Samantha Sanderson, The Penguin Method eBook .pdf
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The Penguin Method presents:
The Instant Infatuation Formula: How To Use “Seductive
Conversation” To Make Any Man Desire and Obsess About You
Hi, this is Samantha Sanderson from PenguinMethod.com
and in this handy little guide, I’m going to teach you how to make a
man feel instantly infatuated with you—simply by using some simple
(but strangely effective) conversation techniques, and using your
“feminine charms” in some clever ways.
Use the information in this guide the next time you’re chatting with
a man, and you can install feelings of attraction, desire and even
lust into his subconscious mind. (Don’t be surprised if he starts
missing you and obsessing about you whenever you’re not around!)
It doesn’t matter if it’s a guy you just met, or someone you’ve been
in a relationship with and now you want to get him to commit to
you 100%. This information has been proven to trigger feelings of
burning, overwhelming desire in the minds of men—even guys who
seem emotionally “closed off,” or seem “scared” of commitment,
or haven’t seemed romantically interested in you…until now.
These techniques come to you from “The Penguin Method,” which
is a very popular new course that is helping thousands of women
around the world to meet and attract the type of men who will love,
appreciate and adore them forever.
Why is it called “The
Penguin Method?” Well,
because penguins are
one of those rare,
wonderful species that
mate for life. Our goal
is to give you this same
success with a loving,
devoted partner who
adores you from the
bottom of his heart (and will actually love you more every day—and
constantly find new ways to prove it!)
Now, some of you ladies reading this guide may already have active
social lives. You regularly go out to social environments where there
are available men for you to interact with. If so, terrific—you’re one
step ahead of the game.
If you’re not going out and socializing, it’s time for you to get out of
the house and start getting more proactive about solving your love
life. In order to catch yourself a penguin, you’ve got to put yourself
in positions to meet them. It’s as simple as that.
If you’ve got any single girlfriends, organize some outings with them.
Share with them what you’ve been learning from this book. Tell
them that over the next 30 days, you’re going to go out together,
explore some new places, and meet some great men. Even if you
don’t wind up meeting Mr. Right on your first few tries, you can still
go out and have an enjoyable time and a lot of laughs with your
This doesn’t just mean going to bars, nightclubs, or parties. You
have opportunities to meet men every time you leave the house.
The key is for you to start using these opportunities instead of
letting them pass you by.
BREAKING THE ICE
Here’s the thing: Women are always hoping that a man will make
the first move. And a lot of the time, guys will—but there’s no rule
that says you’ve got to wait for him to do it.
I’ve approached guys before. Not just at bars and parties. I’ve
struck up conversations with cute guys at the gym. At Starbucks. At
the dog park. In the elevator at my office building.
I’m not trying to imply that I’m constantly “on the prowl” for a man.
But if I’m sharing an elevator with a handsome guy who doesn’t
have a ring on his finger, and we’ve made friendly eye contact,
what’s stopping me from starting a conversation if he won’t?
(I’ll explain the probable reason why men won’t start a
conversation in a moment…)
Usually, I break the ice by simply paying them a compliment. Stroke
their ego a little bit. What man doesn’t appreciate this, coming
from a friendly woman?
(at my office building) “Pardon me, I love your tie, that’s a great
(at the dog park) “Your dog is adorable, is that a Shih Tzu? My
friend is thinking about getting one, how are you two getting along?”
(at the gym) “Hey, I noticed you in the spin class earlier. What do
you think of the instructor?”
When it comes to making the first move and starting a conversation
with a guy, keep this in mind: just because HE doesn’t make the
first move does not mean that he’s not interested.
It’s WAY scarier than you think for men to come up and talk to you.
Even for guys who are “hot!”
Think about all of those times when a guy has walked up to you in a
bar and tried a lame chat-up line. Your immediate reaction is to roll
your eyes and think “not again.” But it has taken him a lot of
courage to even come over and talk to you.
Women can be so quick to assume that guys are all “on the hunt”
and just out for one thing. They assume that guys approach women
and try to strike up conversations all the time.
But for a man, the idea of coming over to you can be scary! Most
men are not nearly as confident as women as they may pretend to
be. For a lot of guys, the thought of approaching you can be close
Even guys who are exceptionally good-looking often have no idea
WHAT TO SAY to an attractive woman to break the ice. They’ve
been rejected before. Every guy has. And it’s a harsh blow to their
So the next time a guy comes up to you, think about this and give
him a break. Of course, there will be some guys who are beyond
help, and I’m not saying that you should waste an hour of your life
chatting with a man who you wouldn’t consider dating in a million
years. But at least humor them for a few minutes and politely
You wouldn’t want your Mr. Right to be afraid to walk across the
room to talk to you, due to him being rudely blown off by another
woman five minutes ago. Men are extremely sensitive about this.
As a result of this fear, a man will try and come up with all manner
of reasons as to why he should not come over to talk to you.
So how can you help him out here? For starters, you can make eye
contact with him and let him see that you are interested. Give him
a friendly smile. If he comes over to you, introduce yourself. If he
seems a bit unsure of what to talk about, lead the conversation. All
you need to do is make an observation about the party you’re at,
the music that’s playing, or anything else pertaining to the
Women are caught up in the idea that if they show a man they’re
interested, then he might think they’re cheap and easy.
But seriously, giving a guy a little help at this stage will make him
appreciate you and like you. If you can put him at ease and make
him feel comfortable, he’ll want to talk to YOU at the expense of
meeting other women. This is especially true in social situations like
bars, clubs and parties, where any single guy who’s not already
talking to a woman is feeling some pressure to meet one.
When you’re out with
friends, it’s even more
intimidating for men
who want to walk up to
you and start a
you’re out at a bar
partying with your best
girlfriends, or sitting at
a table at a restaurant,
he sees it as more
people to possibly witness the humiliation if he approaches you and
gets shot down.
So if you’re out with other people, and you see a guy who seems
like he might be interested in meeting you (i.e. he keeps looking in
your direction), take some time away from your friends to give him
an opportunity to talk to you without your friends listening in.
You don’t need to make a big deal about it. You can simply head to
the bathroom and then go and get yourself a drink from the bar. If
he has been watching you and wants to say hi, he has the
opportunity now, but help him out—look over at him, make eye
contact, and give him a friendly smile, so that he realizes that
you’ve noticed his existence and are open to a conversation.
GETTING YOUR “OVER PROTECTIVE” FRIEND IN LINE
Even when you do have guys approaching you, some women have a
friend who plays the role of her “protector” (even though she
hasn’t been asked to).
You know the type. She’s the “Alpha Female” who feels she has to
“protect” her friends from random men who are, in her mind, only
looking for one thing.
Part of you has always wondered whether or not she is jealous of
you and actually wants to destroy your chances of finding love. And
if this is NOT the case, you wish you just had the nerve to tell her
to back off and leave you be once in a while.
More often than not, this “friend” is quick to leave you on your own
when a guy approaches her and asks her to dance, but when the
shoe is on the other foot—and she’s in danger of becoming the
“third wheel” in the conversation—she does her best to get between
you and your admirer.
Only YOU can handle this. The right way to handle it is to let your
friend know that you’re looking to possibly meet a fun guy tonight.
Tell her not to worry, you’re a big girl and you can handle yourself,
so if you see a guy you want to talk to you’ll give her a nod to let
her know “it’s ok.” And at that point, you’re going to want some
time alone with him to chat. Tell her you’ll do the same for her.
Understand that if a guy sees you with a “protector,” it may seem
like a hell of a challenge. He already has reasons racing through this
mind as to why he shouldn’t approach you. This will give him a
reason to cancel the whole idea.
So you understand how big a deal it is for him to come over and talk
to you, what do you do when the ice has been broken?
As I mentioned earlier, men are suckers for compliments. They
receive them far too rarely from women. We’ve been conditioned
to think that men should be the ones handing out compliments and
trying to flatter us, and we should play “hard to get.” But men are
tired of playing this game!
If you’re sensing some chemistry with him, compliment him. On his
sense of style. On his haircut. On the fact that he’s in good physical
shape. On his sense of humor.
Men are not used to being complimented by women during the
initial conversation—normally, they feel the burden is on THEM to
compliment the woman. So compliment him and show interest in a
unique aspect of who he is and what he’s all about. He will deeply
appreciate you for it.
CREATING CHEMISTRY THROUGH CONVERSATION
Remember, these days it really is okay for you to initiate a
conversation with a guy who catches your eye. If you can make eye
contact with him and exchange a smile, that’s all the reason you
need to open the conversation.
So let’s say you’ve gone over to him, or he has come to you, and
now the two of you are talking. This is great progress, when you
think how many other potential couples have probably missed this
Have you ever experienced a scenario where you meet someone,
and within moments you feel as if you’ve known them forever? The
chemistry is off the charts. You might even feel that you were
destined to meet this guy.
These situations, however, are uncommon. More often than not,
you’re going to need to use some tact in order to keep the
conversation flowing, so that
he feels comfortable and
interested in sticking around.
Keep in mind, though: if you
DO feel a sense of “instant
chemistry” and the
conversation is flowing
effortlessly, and you believe
he might possibly be the
“soul mate” you’ve been
waiting and hoping to meet,
you’ve still got to be tactful.
DO NOT give everything to him in one sitting. As “right” as it may
feel at the time, it usually won’t work out in your favor if you dive
into a long conversation about deeply personal or upsetting topics.
I mentioned earlier how talking about exes and past relationships is
not a good idea during this early stage of getting to know someone.
It’s also a mistake to get into a long talk about your desire to get
married and have children—even if he (says he) feels the same way.
You do want to maintain somewhat of an element of mystery.
Besides, if you lay all of your cards on the table during this first
chat, what’s there to talk about on your first (or second) date?
So let’s have a frank look at what you should, and shouldn’t talk
about at the very beginning.
WHAT YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT
Before I suggest some conversational topics, keep this rule in mind:
the main purpose of this conversation is not for you to tell him all
about you. It’s for you to encourage him to talk about himself.
When he opens up and reveals things to you that matter to him, it
creates a bond. Good listeners are few and far between in this
world, and when someone seems genuinely interested in us and is
an attentive listener, we naturally want to be around them.
NOTE: You may encounter men who enjoy talking about themselves
TOO much. If he simply will not shut up, or his tendency is to “brag”
rather than “share,” then by using these techniques you’ll find out
very quickly if he’s a guy you can’t see yourself dating.
Here’s an interesting technique to use. My friend Dean Cortez, the
popular dating coach for men, studied the tactics used by Hostage
Negotiators in order to come up with strategies for “emotionally
connecting” with people.
(You’ve seen Hostage Negotiators before, in the movies and on
TV…when the bad guys are holed up with a bunch of hostages, or
someone is standing on the roof of a building and threatening to
jump, a Negotiator gets called in to talk to them and get them to
Negotiators are highly trained in conversational tactics that are
designed to quickly create an emotional connection with the other
person. One technique Dean told me about, which is great to use
when you’re chatting with men, is to use what are called “Minimal
These are simply short phrases which you’ll say while the other
person is telling you something about himself. Minimal Encouragers
are designed to show that you’re listening, and that you’re
interested and want them to continue.
“That’s so interesting. Tell me more.”
“Wow, I never knew that. How did you learn about that?”
“I feel exactly the same way…”
“You and I are really on the same page, I couldn’t agree more…”
And now, you’re encouraging him to continue talking. You’re not
jumping in with your own thoughts or your own stories.
As for how you get him to start talking about things that matter to
him, we’ll give you a big list of questions in a moment that are
excellent for sparking conversations and keeping them flowing.
THE PASSION PRINCIPLE
My friend Dean often tells his male students that one of the most
attractive qualities a guy can possess—and display to women—is
PASSION. There is a difference between your hobbies and interests,
and the things in your life that truly inspire you.
By mentioning things you are passionate about, you set yourself
apart from the average person, whose lives are a monotonous
routine. Nothing really gets them excited.
Obviously, it isn’t particularly enjoyable to be around these kinds of
So during the conversation, you can find ways to get him to express
his own passions (which are things men LOVE to talk about), and
then express some passions of your own.
Here’s an example of something fun you could say, to get him
talking about his passions:
“The other day, the craziest thing happened. My friend Sarah
bought a ticket for the Powerball lottery—the jackpot was like $100
million—and when they announced the winning number, her
number was off by only one digit. The very last digit! For a few
seconds she thought she was actually going to win all that money.
So we got to talking afterwards about what we would do if we won
the Powerball…what do you think? How would you spend your days
if you had a hundred million bucks and never needed to work
another day in your life?”
If he answers with a joke (as guys often will), share what it is YOU
would do if you won the lottery. Have something interesting to say.
Would you buy an apartment in Paris and take up painting? Would
you move to an island in the Caribbean and write a novel? Would
you start a charitable foundation? Your answer will prompt him to
“get real” and talk about how he really would spend his time, if
money was no longer a concern.
In a moment, we’ll give you a whole list of other questions you can
ask to keep him sharing with you, and having fun with the
conversation. But first, let’s look at the things that you should
definitely not talk about during this early stage.
WHAT YOU SHOULDN’T TALK ABOUT
As I said before, you want to avoid long-winded discussions about
your ex. It’s a radioactive topic. Furthermore, don’t say anything
negative about any of the men you’ve been with in the past.
He might bring up the subject first, by making a sarcastic comment
about his ex-girlfriend or ex-wife; this does NOT mean you know
have the right to tell him a story about your ex-boyfriend slept with
one of your friends.
Men AND women judge each other on how we talk about our exes.
Maybe we don’t do it consciously, but we judge each other on this
just the same.
If you talk about how your ex-boyfriend cheated on you, he’s might
A) That you have a history of dating jerks (which diminishes your
value in his eyes), or
B) There’s something wrong with you that MAKES men cheat on
If you mention how your ex was a loser, in his mind, you must not
be much of a prize yourself. Why else would you date such a man?
Think about it if the situation was reversed, and a guy you just met
started telling you how his ex-girlfriend was a lying slut. He’d lose
some points with you, wouldn’t he? After all, what kind of guy
would get mixed up with a lying slut?
EMOTIONAL CONVERSATION CONNECTORS
Right from the start, you should aim to set yourself apart from the
other women he has dated. One of the most powerful ways to do
this is through compelling conversation.
You know how women are fond of talking about “chemistry?” We
dream of meeting a guy and it feels like the two of us have known
each other forever, and getting together with him feels like
Well, men also love the idea of “chemistry.” As we talked about
before, the typical guy has plenty of his own challenges,
pressures on the dating
scene. One of the
biggest pressures a guy
feels is to have to carry
the conversation the
Think about what he’s
- There’s some unwritten rule that says HE is the one who has to
approach the woman and “break the ice” by saying something witty.
- HE is the one who needs to figure out how to get her phone
number, without seeming too bold, and without scaring her off.
- And if he’s lucky enough to get her to agree to go out on a date
with him, he’s the one who has to choose the location, arrange
everything, and make sure she feels comfortable and has an
enjoyable time. He will feel pressure to keep the conversation
flowing, since one of his biggest fears will be the dreaded “awkward
Therefore, if he meets a woman who makes him feel as if they
share a connection—AND she takes the “conversational pressure” off
of him, by having interesting things to say, and interesting questions
to ask—believe me, he’s going to want to spend more time with that
Chatting with him about these questions can accomplish multiple
You’re creating chemistry with him. He gives his answer to your
question, then you share your own answer. The two of you are now
sharing on a very personal level—a level that is way beyond any
conversation he’s had recently with a woman he just met.
You’re getting to know him in a deeper sense. You’re learning
what makes him tick. Hopefully, as he answers your questions and
shares his thoughts and feelings, you’ll get the feeling that the two
of you will be compatible. (If you get the sense that the two of you
WON’T be compatible, then it’s better for you to find this out now-rather than weeks or months from now, when you’ll have wasted
your time on a relationship with a guy that isn’t going anywhere!)
You’re distinguishing yourself from the other women he normally
meets. He will see you as someone he can share his thoughts,
emotions, dreams, and fears with. He will look forward to his
conversations with you, because you understand him in a way that
most other people don’t.
When you share your thoughts on the question, and talk about your
own hopes/dreams/fears/feelings, it’s an opportunity for him to
understand YOU on a deeper level. You can mention how you’re
ambitious about a goal. Or passionate about a cause. Or how much
you value your family and friends. It can create an opportunity for
you to mention a talent or an accomplishment you are proud of, or
for you to talk about the things in life that inspire you.
These questions can be gateways to amazing conversations. (Just be
sure what when you ask him one of these questions, you have your
own answer ready to discuss!)
What’s the one thing you like about yourself the most?
Do you have any phobias? Is there something that totally scares you
that you might not want to admit to everyone?
What was the happiest time in your life?
Do you have a passion or a goal for yourself, that you don’t usually
tell other people about? What is it?
If I could wave a magic wand and give you any talent that you
currently don’t have, what would it be?
What are the challenges in his line of work / what he excels in / his
likes / what he doesn’t like about his job?
How do you think your best friend would describe you?
What was your first childhood memory? (If it’s positive, encourage
him to share more about it)
What was your best memory from high school? (If it has something
to do with a childhood crush/relationship, you know he’s got a
strong romantic side)
Do you remember the first time you fell totally in love? How did it
What are three words you would use to describe your mother?
Can you give me at least 3 pet peeves of yours?
Who do you consider to be your closest friend? (Then, ask him to
describe his relationship with that person)
Are you fond of collecting anything? (If so, ask him what got him
interested in collecting that)
If you could hang out with any celebrity in the world for one whole
day, who would you choose to hang out with?
What are your top three favorite movies of all time?
What comes to your mind whenever you hear the word “fun?”
What motivates you? (Use this one if he’s an ambitious guy)
What’s the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done?
What was the strangest thing you have ever eaten?
We all believed in something strange when we were young, like
Santa Claus or the boogeyman…what was the strangest thing that
you believed in when you were a kid?
What’s the most humiliating thing you have seen someone do?
Do you know how to cook? What cuisine can you cook? What’s your
If you had to choose, what is one of your guilty pleasures that you
would never be willing to give up?
What is the most enjoyable sound you can think of? How about the
most annoying sound?
Who has always been your hero in life?
If you were to describe yourself using only one sentence, what
would that sentence be?
If you could be any animal you wanted, which one would you be?
Would you consider yourself an extrovert or an introvert?
Are you more of a feeler than a thinker?
Are your closest friends males or females?
Are you always punctual or are you always “running late?”
Are you what people would call spontaneous, or do you do things
out of habit? How about giving me an example?
What have you read that has made the most impact on how you see
Are you high maintenance?
Do you like to push yourself to try new things?
Do you keep only a special friend or two, or do you have a big circle
of friends who you can count on?
Do you believe in any superstitions? If you are, what kind of
superstitions do you believe in?
If you were asked to describe your dad and mom using only a single
word, what word would you use?
What is the one thing that you regret losing and wish you still had?
What do you usually think about when you daydream?
Do you love taking risks? Why or why not?
Would you lie to please a lot of other people, or tell the truth and
risk annoying them?
What was the last challenge that you faced in life? And what
Do you like to be always in control?
Are you a perfectionist?
Are you an expert at anything? What would that be?
How open-minded are you?
Are you more of a
physical or verbal
Do you consider
yourself a morning
person, or a night
What do you consider to
be your best quality?
What would you prefer, to look good or to feel good?
What irritates you the most about women?
What do you adore most about women?
What does having a good time mean to you?
Whenever you experience something amazing, who is the first
person you want to talk to about it?
Who is the first person you turn to when you really need help or
What’s your idea of the best way to chill out? What do you do when
you want to totally relax?
Now let’s talk about another type of question you can pose to
your penguin-to-be: Hypothetical questions.
These can be a LOT of fun.
As with the other questions we listed earlier, a good Hypothetical
will accomplish a number of things. First, they’re a great way to
inject some fun and energy into the interaction.
Second, they are an excellent means of gathering information on
how he thinks (and his ability to be thoughtful and intelligent).
Third, they allow you to highlight your own best qualities and tell
him the qualities you value in a man. Instead of stating these
things outright, Hypotheticals allow you to plant seeds in his
brain that work in your favor.
A good Hypothetical will make him smile and think, open a
whole new conversational gateway, and prompt him to reveal
things about himself. Then, when you give your own thoughts
on it, you can reveal a positive quality of your own.
Hypothetical A: The Dinner Party
“OK, so let me ask you this,” you say to him. “If you could have a
dinner party and have any three famous people show up, whether
they’re alive now or they’re from way back in history, who would
Get him to explain why these three people are significant to him.
What is it about them, exactly, that he finds fascinating?
After he finishes explaining his choices, it’s your turn to give your
own three picks. Make sure you’ve done your homework before you
use this Hypothetical. You should already have several answers
prepared, with reasons to back them up.
You shouldn’t have to be disingenuous and name people you aren’t
actually interested in, just for the sake of trying to impress him.
Come up with people who you genuinely find fascinating and would
want to share a meal and perhaps a bottle of wine with.
Hypothetical B: Cops At The Door
Loyalty is a quality that women and men should both take
seriously. Here is a clever Hypothetical that allows you to A)
gauge how important loyalty is to him, and B) establish that
you are loyal person.
This Hypothetical should be used once you’re deep into the
conversation and he feels comfortable with you (don’t spring it on
her five minutes into the conversation).
“Let me run this by you,” you say with a sly smile. “It’s a
“You’ve been dating a girl for a few weeks, and you really like
her. One night you’re at her house having dinner with him, and a
police car pulls up outside. The girl suddenly jumps up and says
to you, ‘Tell them I’m not home.’ Then she runs into the
bedroom and hides in the closet.”
“So the cops come knocking on the door. You answer. The cops
ask you if she’s home. What do you do? Do you lie and say she’s
not home? Or do you point them towards the closet?”
Guys will reveal a lot about themselves by the way they answer
this question. If he says “I’d cover for her,” you know that he
holds loyalty in high regard. When he cares about someone, he has
their back, and he’s passionate about the women he loves.
Therefore you need to play up how important these qualities are
to you. Give a reply along these lines:
“That’s interesting that you would say that. Because honestly, if
you flipped the situation, and I was dating you and I was the one
answering the door…I would have to cover for you. Loyalty is at
the top of my list.”
Or, he might give the opposite response to your Hypothetical: “I’d
tell the cops that she’s in the closet! I haven’t known the girl that
long…what if she’s a murderer or something, and she didn’t tell
In this situation, you can give a reply that makes him feel the two
of you are on the same page: “I respect what you’re saying. You
believe in honesty, and if this girl wasn’t being straight with you
about herself, and what she’s involved in, then there’s no reason
for you to cover for her. I also believe in honesty, I think it’s very
Hypothetical C: The Million Dollar House
Another provocative question you can pose: “OK, check this out. If
I was to give you ten million dollars to build your dream house,
but you had to build it out of either wood, glass, or concrete,
which material would you choose? And be careful how you
answer…because it’s going to say a lot about the type of person
The purpose here is to learn more about his personality. It also
allows you to tell him how much you value certain qualities in a
Once he gives his answer, compliment him on it. Whether he chose
wood, glass, or concrete, say “that’s exactly what I thought you
would say.” Now you’ve got him intrigued (and you even seem a bit
telepathic!) When he asks why, explain to her what his answer
means about her. He’ll be hanging on every word.
If he says “glass,” tell him it means he’s an open book. He’s not
afraid to reveal himself and her emotions. He has a wide circle of
friends. People like to be around him because he is outgoing and
expresses his feelings.
If he answers “wood,” say it means he has a creative or artistic
side. Even if he doesn’t have any creative or artistic hobbies
right now, you can tell him that he does have these talents—it’s
just a side of him she isn’t expressing.
Men will usually agree with this assessment, because they all like
to think they have an artistic or creative side—whether it’s a
hidden interest in writing, drawing, music, filmmaking or
architecture, or the way they express themselves through their
clothes and style.
If he answers “concrete,” this is a person who needs to feel
secure and puts a big value on stability. “Basically, it means
you’re very concerned about security,” you tell him. “Not just
your security, but the people close to you. And you want stability
in your life. I do, too, so I can definitely appreciate that answer.”
(Most men who pick “concrete” have security issues because of an
unstable childhood that involved divorce, or moving around a lot,
or two parents who fought
All of these interpretations
are broad enough that they
apply to most men. But you
should always be ready
with a further explanation
in the event that he
disagrees with your
interpretation. If he
chooses glass, and you tell
him he’s an open person, he might say she’s not: “Actually, I keep
my feelings locked up inside usually. It takes me a while to open
up to people.”
To this, you could say “but I can tell that you want to be more
open. You want to let more people into your life, but something is
holding you back.” Now let him respond. A gateway has just
opened to a very personal, intimate discussion.
Likewise, if he chooses wood but tells you he’s doesn’t have a
single creative bone in his body, you can say “but I can tell
you’ve got a creative side you haven’t really explored.”
Chances are he will be flattered by this statement and see some
truth in it. He’ll find a reason to agree; maybe he’s always had a
hidden desire to be a great guitar player, or writer, or artist, but
never thought he was any good.
Encourage him to explore this creative interest of his. Tell him
you’d love to see him play a song on the guitar, or show you some
of his writing, sometime. Whatever it is that he’s into, even if he
doesn’t sound confident about it.
As he shares these personal details about himself, and you show
appreciation, the bond between you and him is strengthened.
Hypothetical D: The Five Senses
“If you had to lose one of your senses—sight, sound, smell,
taste, or touch—which is the one you would never be able to
It’s a deep question that will make him think for a moment. His
answer isn’t the point. It’s all about you following up and asking
him why that sense is so important to him, and taking it from there.
Then, you need to have an answer of your own, ready to go. Think
about it: which sense would you absolutely need to keep, if you had
to lose the others? And why?
Maybe he values his sight above all other senses, because she
couldn’t imagine never seeing another sunset. Or the smile of his
Perhaps he would choose to keep his sense of touch. Ask him, what
are the things she would miss touching? Here’s a perfect
opportunity for you to stress how you’re an affectionate person,
and you could never live without touch, either.
You can say “Touch has to be the most powerful of all the senses.
It’s amazing what it can do. I could be having a terrible day, feeling
really down, and a simple touch from someone you love can heal
(If you want to be a bit flirty and bold here, give his forearm a
gentle touch while you say this.)
Whatever his answer is, say “I can understand why you feel that
way.” Now tell him about your pick. It should reveal something
about you, and the things you treasure most.
By playing upon his senses, you develop a romantic bubble around
the two of you. You are communicating and connecting on a level
that goes way beyond normal conversation.
Hypothetical E: The Voyeur
This one is fun because it injects some “sexual energy” into the
“Let’s say you’ve just moved into a new place, and you realize
that you can see into the house across the street from you. A guy
and a girl live there, both very attractive people. One night you
look through your blinds and you see them having wild, passionate
sex. They’re so into each other, there’s no way they’re going to
notice you. So the question is this: do you close your blinds, or do
With this one, you’re steering the conversation into sexual
territory. As long as the chemistry between you is good, he will
find this question sexy, intriguing and a bit naughty—in a good way.
There is no wrong answer. Again, the key is to ask him why he
answers the way he does. If he says “I wouldn’t look,” you might
say, “What is it that would stop you from looking? I’m not saying
that I would watch, but what exactly would hold you back?”
An answer you can give is, “I’m not going to lie; curiosity would
probably get the better of me. But I would also think, ‘how would I
feel if someone was watching my boyfriend and I being intimate?’ I
do think it’s a very personal thing between two people.”
This way, you’re playing both sides of the fence: you’re
establishing that you have a strong sexual side, while still sounding
like you respect privacy.
He might admit that he would watch. This means you’re dealing
with a guy with strong sexual energy who isn’t afraid to admit it,
and there are some nice possibilities here. You can use the same
response as above: you’re no Peeping Tom, but curiosity probably
would get the better of you...
Here are some quick hypothetical questions that can go a long
way. Anytime you ask a man one of the following questions, he will
reveal something about herself—and then it’s your turn to answer,
and plant seeds.
If could you teleport right now to any place in the world, where
would you go?
Which would rather have for one day: the power to fly, or the
power to be invisible? (And how would you use this power?)
If you won a hundred million dollars, what’s the first thing you
If Hollywood makes a movie about your life one day, which
actress would you want playing you?
If you could eat one food as much as you want, and never gain a
single ounce, what would it be?
If you could gaze into a crystal ball and see a single day in your
future, which day would you want to see?
What’s the best purchase you’ve ever made?
If you could choose between fifty years of being ridiculously
happy, or to live forever and be unhappy, which would you
If it had to always be nighttime or always daytime, which would
you choose? And why?
If you were a superhero, which of your friends would you choose
as your sidekick? And what would you want your respective
powers to be?
If you could go back and be any age you want for a month, what
would you choose?
If you could travel 100 years into the past or 100 years into the
future, which would you choose?
If you had a week to live and could do any five things in the
world, what would they be?
If you could pick any three people in the world to be stuck on a
deserted island with, who would you choose, and why?
If after dying you could come back as any living thing other than
a human, what would you want to come back as?
If you could be one age forever, what age would you choose?
What one piece of advice would you give to your younger self?
If you could only wear one piece of clothing for the rest of your
life, what would it be?
If you could only listen to one band for the rest of your life, what
band would you pick?
Would you rather be a cat or a dog?
If you could live the life of any movie character, who would you
What is the one thing in life you can’t live without?
If you could have any job in the world, what would you pick?
If you had to pick an animal that best describes your personality,
which animal would you choose? And why?
If you were the President of the United States, what would you
do on your first day in office?
If you knew that you were about to die in a few hours, who
would be the most important person you’d want to talk with
before you pass away?
If you could be given the chance to experience a year of
complete pleasure and bliss, but right after the experience,
you would not be able to remember anything at all, would you
still do it?
If you could live for the next 1,000 years, and have the body
of a teenager the whole time, would you do it—if the only
catch was that you had to be hideously ugly?
If you were given the chance to have a romantic relationship
with anybody famous, who would it be?
If you could be given the chance to have a wonderful, once in
a lifetime affair with someone, but by accepting the offer
that person would have to die a year later, would you do it?
Which would you prefer: a million dollars exclusively for you,
or the power to give ten million dollars to other people?
If you learned that the world as we know it will cease to exist
in the next 30 days, how would you spend the next month?
In order to gain a deeper sense of peace and calm in your life,
would you be willing to skip having sex for a year if that’s
what it would take?
If you had the power to travel back in time and change history
as we know it today, where would you go and what would you
If you arrived at a secluded but amazingly beautiful beach and
discovered that it was a nude beach, would you stay? Would
you swim naked?
If you had a genie, what would be your three wishes? And why?
If your life was going to get made into a TV show, what kind of
show would it be? A comedy, musical or drama?
Talking about your passions is great. Being funny and witty is great,
too. But remember to focus your attention on him, and express
interest in learning more about him.
Men have fragile egos. I told you earlier how scary it is for most
guys to approach a woman and break the ice. Well, it’s equally
scary (or just plain awkward) for a guy to feel that the burden of
carrying on the conversation is going to be all on him.
So here’s another way to keep the conversation flowing, so that he
continues to open up to you and share. Instead of asking him the
same old boring questions, make “educated guesses” about him.
Boring Question: “So what do you like to do for fun?”
Educated Guess: “I can tell there’s more to you than meets the eye.
I’ll bet you’ve got a hobby I would never guess. Tell me what it is.”
(I once said this to a handsome guy who looked like he’d stepped
out of the pages of GQ
Magazine; he sheepishly
admitted to me that
writing poetry was his
“secret hobby,” and his
buddies made fun of him
for it. I told him how I
would love to read his
poems some time, and his
face lit up! Guys will
surprise you when you know how to ask the right questions…)
Avoid generic questions like, “So where did you grow up,” or “What
do you do for a living.”
Instead, turn them into fun “guesses.”
For example, I used to live in New York City. When I was out at the
bars, I could usually sense whether a guy was born and raised in the
city, or was from somewhere else. For a “somewhere else” guy who
seemed nice, I might say during the conversation:
“I’m going to guess you were raised in a small town and your
parents taught you the right values. I could be wrong, but you seem
like an old-fashioned gentleman who didn’t grow up around here.”
Other times, I might have been hanging out in a small town in the
Midwest part of the United States for a business event. If I met a
guy who was well-dressed and seemed like a corporate type, I’d flip
it around and say:
“I’d have to guess you are NOT from around here. You have this
really powerful, ambitious energy that I used to see from a lot of
guys in New York City, where I’m from.”
It doesn’t matter whether your “guess” turns out to be right or
wrong. You’re flattering him (and feeding the always-hungry male
ego”), and you’re going to get him to reveal things about himself
that he wouldn’t normally share with a woman during the first chat.
(If you were to simply ask him “Where are you from,” and he tells
you his hometown, that question is finished.)
(Or, to find out what type of music he’s into): “OK, question. If you
were going to get stranded on a desert island and all you had was a
laptop and three CDs, which CDs would you NEED to have with you?”
(To find out his movie picks, substitute the word “DVDs” for “CDs.”)
Also notice, by throwing out this type of question you are injecting
some fun into the conversation. Most of these conversations are so
predictable; they follow the same basic script. And the guy feels
it’s HIS job to keep things moving along.
When you use these conversational techniques, he’ll feel thrilled to
be talking to you—and he will reveal to you WAY more than he
usually reveals to a woman during the first conversation.
USE YOUR FEMALE CHARMS
During the conversation, if the chemistry feels good and you can
sense he’s developing an interest in you, use your female charms.
Seductive eye contact works wonders. Look demure, sort of angle
your chin downwards, and then look up through your lashes at him
Be a little playful, be cheeky, twirl your hair as you talk to him.
Occasionally glance at his lips, and then back up into his eyes.
The effect of this can be mesmerizing to men.
You can send all sorts of messages without saying a word, but if you
do want to flirt verbally (and I recommend you do), a great way to
get his attention is to tell him he looks like he’s in good shape, and
pick a part of his body to focus on.
(It’s usually pretty obvious if a guy is physically active, and I’d say
at least 70% of the reason men go to the gym in the first place is
that they’re hoping women will notice the results!)
You can say something like, “I just have to tell you, I love your arms.
It’s my favorite body part on a man.” And then give his bicep a
This line has NEVER failed to bring a happy smile to the man I use it
Squeezing his arm would be an example of establishing body
contact. It’s important to do this, because it plants the seed in his
mind that this is not the same type of “friendly chat” he might have
with the guy sitting on the next barstool over.
You are reminding him that you’re a woman. He’s a man. There are
sexual possibilities here.
Also, when the two of you are making a bit of body contact with
each other, it creates the feeling that you’ve known each other
longer than you actually have.
Picture yourself having a fun chat with a close male friend of yours.
Someone you’ve known for ages. If the two of you are hanging out
and enjoying each other’s company, you’re naturally going to touch
each other. A high-five, a touch on the shoulder, a pat on the leg,
or on the hand…it happens naturally when we’re having a fun oneon-one chat with someone we know and like.
So if the conversation is flowing and the chemistry is building, don’t
be afraid to lightly touch him. Give him a playful little swat on the
arm when he cracks a dirty joke and tell him “you’re so naughty.”
When you both laugh at something, give him a high-five and
intertwine your fingers in his, then let his hand go. If you’re sitting
down with him, give him a light slap on the thigh when he says
something funny or naughty.
(A great way to make contact is to offer to read his palm. Just look
up some information on palm-reading on the Internet and learn
some of the basics. Now you’ve got a reason to hold his hand in
yours and lightly caress his palm while you give him his reading!)
During this early stage, one of the keys to body contact is to keep it
brief. Make contact, and then withdraw. If his interest in you is
building, he’ll begin to miss those brief touches. If he starts
initiating contact with you, it’s a great sign.
A few light, “innocent” touches on the hand or leg can naturally
progress to holding hands. Or him curling his arm around your waist.
Or the two of you hitting the dance floor and having a ball!
(Just no public makeout sessions, ok? This is NOT a good idea if you
want him to think of you tomorrow as more than a “good for now”
THE IMPORTANCE OF “QUALIFICATION”
My friend Dean, the well-known dating coach for men, told me
about another concept he teaches called Qualification.
This means subtly “testing” women during the first conversation, or
the first date, to send a message to them: “I’m a confident guy who
has a busy social life and I’ve got no shortage of options. So I want
to find out, do YOU have what it takes to date a guy like ME?”
(You’re never coming out and saying this; you’re communicating it
subconsciously, by using Qualifying statement and questions.)
The idea is, you’re making the other person feel that they’ll need
to invest some effort in order to impress you. You’re framing
yourself as a CHALLENGE. (One of the keys is to do it playfully; you
don’t want to come off as rude.)
As human beings, we are hard-wired to want what we cannot have.
Think about it. Let’s say a guy strikes up a conversation with you at
a party, and he’s good-looking and nicely dressed—so you’re willing
to grant him some of your time, and you have a drink with him.
But then, during the conversation, he acts fidgety and nervous and
has nothing interesting to say. He asks you a bunch of “job
interview”-type questions: “So what’s your name?” “Where are you
from?” “What do you do for a living?” “What kind of music do you
like?” And so on.
He’s struggling to keep
the conversation alive
by asking you questions,
everything you say,
trying to find things in
common with you.
Or, he starts blabbing
obviously trying to
impress you with his
money, his knowledge, or his social or business connections. This,
too, is the sign of a man who is clearly trying to convince you that
he’s worthy of being with you.
Either way, it’s sort of unattractive, isn’t it? Men who are truly
confident and successful don’t feel the need to do this. They don’t
seem concerned about the outcome of the conversation.
Women can use the Qualification technique, too. The message
you’re sending is, “I’m a gal who gets a lot of attention from
men…so what makes you different from all the other guys? Why are
you deserving of my time and attention?”
Some examples of how you might playfully “Qualify” a guy who is
trying to flirt with you:
“Oh, so you work in the financial industry. It’s a shame I swore off
dating finance guys. They’re all business and no fun, and that’s one
of my criteria—a man needs to know how to show me a good time.
So tell me some of the things you do for fun.”
“Tell me something about yourself that I would never guess in a
“You’re kind of cute, but are you just a pretty face? Or is there
more to you?”
“I’m going to ask you a question, and I hope you give me a good
answer because it’s going to tell me a lot about the type of guy you
You’re prefacing the Qualifying Question in a way that builds
anticipation. He’s thinking, “Whoa, this girl is about to put me on
the hot seat!” It sends a sudden jolt of adrenaline through him!
When’s the last time a woman interacted with him this way? The
answer is, NEVER. The women he has met in the past either
engaged with him the usual, predictable small talk about this and
that, or they blew him off. What you’re doing is taking an ORIGINAL
angle that is going to make him want to “earn points” with you.
Earlier, we have you a list of questions (as well as Hypotheticals)
that you can use. If he gives an answer that you like, you can smile
and high-five him and agree with him. Make some physical contact,
and keep building your bond with him.
If he gives an answer that you totally disagree with, you can
playfully mock his answer. This will make him want to
subconsciously want to “earn points” with you even more! And then
you can use this to tease him throughout the rest of the
conversation (again, playfully…)
“You’re cute, Dan, but I don’t know if I can date a guy who only
knows how to cook grilled cheese sandwiches.”
“OK, you’re fun so I’ll let you get me one more drink, even though I
still can’t believe you chose THAT MOVIE as one of your top three…”
“I can tell you’re a sweet guy, I’m just still trying to get over the
fact that you would take your ‘dream vacation’ in Las Vegas…if
you’re going to be with a girl like me, you’re going to have to learn
And so forth. Have fun with it. You’ll be amazed at how quickly a
guy will start trying to “earn points” with you, once you establish
that you’re a gal who is not easy to impress!
NOTE: Avoid “controversial” topics such as politics or religion,
unless you honestly can’t stand the thought of dating a guy who
doesn’t share your political or religious beliefs. And never ask
Qualifying questions that make you seem like a snob or a golddigger. The point here is not to find out what he can do for you
financially. Get him to reveal his likes, his interests, and his
You can come up with your own “Qualifying Questions.” Sometimes,
the more surprising the question, the more you’ll captivate his
interest—because you’re demonstrating that you’re NOT like the
last 27 women he met, who never challenged him.
Again, the typical women he meets either A) just follow along and
engage in dull back-and-forth banter, or B) don’t give him a chance
and leave the conversation as soon as possible.
If you’ve been thinking about skydiving for the first time, you could
ask him, “Have you ever been skydiving?” (If he answers “no,” ask
him “Well, would you? Because I’m seriously thinking about trying
Heck, if things go well, he might wind up inviting you to go
skydiving on a date. So be ready!
All of these questions are going to spark fun, interesting
conversations that are refreshing to him—and to you. If you’re at a
party or a bar or a nightclub, and he chats to 10 women during the
course of the night, his conversation with YOU is the one he will
KEEPING IN TOUCH
If all seems to be going well, and you’ve had a great chat, and
there is a sense of chemistry between the two of you…why not get
Yes, you heard me right—YOU can get HIS number. This isn’t 1950!
If you want to make sure you see this guy again, take action and
make it happen.
Nowadays, with most of us carrying smartphones, all you need to is
take out your phone and say to him, “We should exchange numbers
so we can keep in touch. I’ll give you my Facebook, too.” (If you’re
connected to the Internet, you can add each other on Facebook
right then and there.)
Women can make such a big thing about getting a guy’s number.
They worry they make look too “aggressive” or “easy” if they make
the move—but you are doing him a HUGE favor if you ask for his
number and remove another burden from his shoulders.
It means that he does not have to sweat the small stuff and you’re
showing him that a) you are interested, and b) you are a confident
girl, which men automatically appreciate.
So, how do you do this? Like I said, you can just ask. Go right ahead.
You really do not have to make a huge deal of this. Just casually say
“hey we should hang
out sometime, you’re
fun. I have to run in a
minute, so give me your
Notice that I used the
phrase “give me your
number.” This is much
more assertive than
asking if you can have it.
If he’s into you, he will
not hesitate here, and if he does, well you’ve just said that you
need to go, so there is the perfect excuse to leave, and to leave
feeling proud of yourself for having had the balls to ask a guy for his
There is no way that he will have anything other than respect for
you for having done this. If he does give you his number (and the
chances of this are extremely high), you will stick to your “I gotta
run in a minute” plan—even if it means going home to eat ice cream
The first rule of show business is, “Leave ‘em wanting more.”
This applies to the your first conversation with your possible
penguin-to-be. Don’t outstay your welcome. YOU should always be
the one to end the conversation because you have something else to
If he tries to make plans to see you again, right then and there, be
coy: “I’ll have to check my schedule, I’ve got a busy week ahead of
me…but call me and we’ll see if we can set something up.”
Remember: You are the PRIZE. He’s going to have to invest a bit of
effort to earn you!
As for how to “reel in” any man and make him feel an
overpowering urge to pledge his heart to you forever, we’ve put
together a free video that explains the rest…
Do You Want To Discover The “Secrets Of The Penguins”
That Have Helped Thousands Of Women Worldwide To
Find True and Everlasting Love? Click Here:
Special Report: 7 Triggers That Make Men
By Jason Rogers, co-creator of “The Monogamy Method”
Hi, I’m Jason Rogers and I’m the co-creator of The Monogamy
Method, the new digital course for women that is generating a lot of
buzz…and a fair share of controversy, too.
Why the controversy? Because this is the first course to blow the
lid off of what really makes men cheat, even on women they love.
It’s also the only course that provides a proven, step-by-step
method which you can use to make your man absolutely and
permanently faithful to you, so that cheating is NEVER even a
remote possibility in his mind.
Once you use The Monogamy Method on him, he won’t have the
time or energy to even consider being with anyone else. He’ll be far
too busy channeling all of his passion into making YOU happy!
The Monogamy Method gives women a set of tips and tools that are
designed to make their men CRAVE a totally committed relationship
with them—so that they are faithful not only sexually, but also
(The thing is, a lot of relationships suffer from “emotional cheating,”
where a man begins to develop an attraction to another woman
outside of his relationship, and this attraction leads to him forming
an emotional attachment to her. Even though he may never have sex
with the other woman, this form of “emotional infidelity” becomes
toxic to the relationship he is in!)
So, we’re going to help you avoid these relationship-killers by
showing you how to get inside your man’s mind (and heart), and
make him feel an incredible level of connection, chemistry, trust,
and PASSION with you that he has never felt—and will never be able
to feel—with another woman.
When you follow the steps that we’ve laid out in The Monogamy
Method, it will be as if a “light bulb” suddenly went off inside your
man’s head. He will realize just how much you mean to him, and how
truly irreplaceable you are.
He will never take you for granted again…
He’ll feel a need to PROVE his love and devotion to you, every day…
And the thought of being with another woman will actually disgust
him, because he will never in a million years want to do anything to
jeopardize the life he shares with you.
=> Click Here: Private Video Reveals How To Make Any Man
Monogamous For Life
The Science Behind The Method
My co-writer Samantha Sanderson and I were inspired to start
putting this course together when we read about a fascinating
research study that was conducted at the University of Bonn in
A team of scientists figured out that the chemical oxytocin is be the
key ingredient that makes men desire a monogamous relationship.
The study included 40 men, all of whom had been in a relationship
for at least six months and said they were in love with their
partners. They were hooked up to scanners that monitored their
Each man was then given a nasal spray to inhale. Unbeknownst to
the test subjects, some of the nasal sprayers contained a dose of
oxytocin; the rest did not.
Next, the men were shown a series of pictures. The pictures showed
attractive women they did not know; attractive women they knew,
but were not dating; and their partners.
Among the men who had inhaled oxytocin, when they viewed the
pictures of their partners the scanners showed a surge of activity in
the pleasure and desire regions of their brains. Their brains did not
show this activity when they viewed the pictures of the other
Furthermore, the researchers came to believe that oxytocin may
actually have a dual effect—by not only making a man’s partner more
attractive to him, but also because it deters his interest in other
Now, imagine if you knew how to TRIGGER the release of oxytocin
in a man’s brain, and it was as simple as pushing a button on a
Imagine if any time you want, you can say or do something that will
literally bathe his brain in “feel good” chemicals, so that you will
instantly erase any negative feelings he may be experiencing, and
So, one of the questions that The Monogamy Method answers is
exactly HOW you can trigger the release of this chemical, to make a
man feel great when he’s with you…miss you when you’re not
around…and feel an overwhelming desire to devote himself to you,
because he won’t be able to imagine life without you.
=> Here Is How You Do It
Revealing The Secrets Of Men…
For the past ten years or so, I’ve been giving dating advice to men
and helping them work through their challenges. In the process, I’ve
helped many of my students to find the relationships they’ve been
So I can say with confidence that I know a few things about what
men are honestly searching for in a partner, and I’m also aware of
the “little things” a woman can do to make a man feel a deep,
overwhelming desire to commit to her.
One of the interesting things about The Monogamy Method is that
the course was developed using insights from men that they would
normally never reveal.
I started my own research process by digging through piles of notes
I’d accumulated over the years during my countless coaching
sessions with students.
Then I reflected upon my personal journals, where I recorded many
of the conversations I’ve had with guys, in environments where men
get together and speak the truth to one another. (Gyms, locker
rooms and barstools being three of the most important.)
In other words, this is information that men would never normally
reveal to you. Even boyfriends and husbands would probably rather
keep many of these thoughts to themselves—even though they wish
their partners knew this stuff.
In this special report, we’re going to give you 7 techniques you can
use to not only make your man feel a deep, overwhelming desire to
commit himself to you, and to love you faithfully in every sense—but
to feel a permanent bond with you that will not fade over time.
In fact, when you start incorporating these ideas into your
relationship, his love for you, and his commitment to remain
monogamous, will grow stronger with each passing year.
We call this set of techniques “The 7-Step Commitment Kick
Starter.” You can use them to make a man feel in his heart that he
wants a committed relationship with you, or to make a man you’re
already in a relationship with feel a more powerful sense of
connection, love and intimacy with you—so that his commitment to
you grows deeper and stronger.
The 7-Step Commitment Kick Starter
After surveying hundreds of men for this course, and having
conversations about relationships and commitment with countless
others, I have come to believe that there are seven basic keys to
making a man want to commit himself to you.
(As in, you won’t need to have the “commitment discussion” with
him. You won’t need to ask him “where this is going,” and you won’t
need to apply any pressure. He will voluntarily commit himself to
you, and you will know he means it—because he will prove it with his
If you have the following areas covered in your relationship, your
man is going to WANT to know that you are his, and he is yours,
because you will make him feel like no other woman can.
You will become irreplaceable in his eyes. If he is ever tempted to
think of what his life might be like if he becomes single again, and he
is suddenly “freed up” to date other women, he won’t imagine
himself living a life of fun and freedom…
Instead, he will realize how empty his life would be without you—
and think of the irreplaceable things he would lose.
So here are the seven keys to “kick-starting” his desire to commit
#1. Be his greatest champion. This means not only being supportive
of his goals and dreams, and expressing genuine interest in them,
but also being his “cheerleader”—the one person who he can count
on to inspire and motivate him, especially when he is doubting
Ben, a 35-year-old from New York who is now happily married to
Julie, said “I can recall the exact moment when I went from ‘really
liking’ Julie, to knowing I belonged with her. At the time, I was
struggling to complete my first book. My dream was to become an
author, even though I’d never been paid to write anything and I was
working a 9-to-5 job I hated.”
“The other girls I’d dated never showed much interest in my dream.
If I mentioned how I was working on a book in my spare time, they
might say ‘Oh, that’s cool,” or maybe they’d ask me what it was
about, but they never took the conversation any further. They just
weren’t that interested.”
“Julie was the first woman to really express interest. She persuaded
me to let her read my manuscript (I hadn’t shown it to anyone yet),
and when we met for dinner a week later, she gave me lots of
thoughtful compliments and even some really good suggestions…
obviously she had read every word, and the fact that she liked it
meant the world to me at the time. It gave me the confidence to get
the book finished and published.”
This is just one example of “being a man’s champion.” If you don’t
know what his dreams and ambitions are, ask him, express curiosity
and interest, and encourage him to pursue the goals he has for
(I should add, if you find his dreams and ambitions to be stupid or
ridiculous, then I wouldn’t suggest trying for a serious relationship
with him in the first place!)
If he has hobbies, find out about them, and be inquisitive. Find out
why he loves to do these things. If he invites you to enjoy one of his
hobbies with him, it will naturally bring the two of you closer
This will also give him a chance to show off his skills and knowledge
of something he loves, which is another great way to give him a
“masculine ego boost.”
These can be small things (e.g. showing you how to play a simple
song on the guitar…how to ice skate…turning you onto one of his
favorite books, movies, or bands)…or bigger things (sharing his love
of travel with you, helping you to start your own business, etc).
On the flip side, as you get to know what really makes him “tick,” and
find out about the things he hopes to accomplish, he may express
his concerns or frustrations. This is when you can become his
Ron, 34: “I used to try to project an air of ‘invincibility’ to
women. I never talked about my problems, since I thought
women would see it as a sign of weakness. Instead, I talked about
how great my life was going, because I thought that was what
they wanted to hear, and most women didn’t inquire much
“Then I met Melinda. I’m a business guy, and business is what I
love talking about. Even though she didn’t come from that type
of background at all (she’s an artist, actually), she was genuinely
interested in learning more about my start-up business because
she knew it was something I was deeply passionate about.”
“Anyway, during one conversation, I admitted to her that my
start-up business was running into some serious difficulties and
I was uncertain about its future. I had never told any of my
‘dates’ about this, because I didn’t want them to think I was a
loser. But Melinda was very supportive and inquisitive. By talking
it through with her, it actually helped me to figure out a plan for
moving forward. My business still isn’t profitable, but it’s slowly
getting there…and the really good news is that Melinda and I are
now a couple.”
“I guess my point is, I never would have shared that information
with her in the first place if she hadn’t taken such an interest in
learning about me and my work. It really made me feel
connected to her.”
Men, by nature, don’t like to display their insecurities and
vulnerabilities to women. But if he sees you as the one person who
understands his hopes, dreams, fears and challenges, and motivates
him to achieve things and become a better man, he will feel a unique
bond with you.
#2. Let him be a man, and praise him for his masculinity. It’s a
wonderful and empowering thing to know that you are a strong,
confident, independent woman. But there are times when you
should allow yourself to be “weak” around a man, in order to let him
demonstrate his masculinity.
This is the role he wants to be able to play. In fact, it’s the role he
was born to play, from a biological standpoint. Yet a lot of guys in
today’s world silently suffer in their relationships because they just
don’t feel they are needed as MEN.
As you probably know, testosterone is the male sex hormone. It’s
the essence of his “manliness.” When a man has high testosterone,
he is brimming with vitality and confidence, ready to conquer any
challenges in his path (and to ravish his woman in bed!)
And when a man’s “T-level” is low, it makes him sluggish, mentally
unfocused, and depressed. (It can also kill his sex drive.)
But did you know that as his lover and partner, you play a role in
how healthy his testosterone levels are? It’s true. When a man feels
respected and admired—when he feels manly, basically—his T-levels
rise. And when he is made to feel weak and small, his levels decrease.
Therefore, the better you make him feel about himself as a man, and
the more you boost his male ego, the more confident, happy and
virile he will be—which results in him appreciating you immensely.
You become his “feel-good drug!”
One thing that makes a man feel good about himself is being able to
step in and use his “manly abilities” to help you, or to make you feel
safe and protected.
Remember, when he feels good about himself in your presence, he’ll
naturally want to spend more time with you. You become his #1
source of confidence, self-worth and happiness.
On the other hand, when a woman is a “know it all”—when she thinks
she has the answers to everything, and would rather handle
everything herself—it makes a man feel diminished and unimportant.
You’re not giving him a chance to play the role he was born into this
world to play: a protector and a problem-solver.
(A humorous side note: I saw a rather miserable-looking couple
strolling down the street together the other day. The guy was
wearing a tee-shirt that said “I Don’t Need Google. My Wife Already
Knows Everything.” Funny, but this is how a lot of guys actually feel
Remember, every man wants to be praised for being manly.
This can be as simple as asking him to use his strength to twist off
the top of a jar, and then saying to him, “You’re so strong” and
giving his arm a squeeze. Any time he demonstrates some masculine
strength, you can take this opportunity to praise him for it.
Or the next time you’re walking somewhere together, curl your arm
around his and give his bicep a squeeze. Tell him, “I love feeling
your arms, it makes me feel safe.”
He may downplay it (especially if he isn’t the type of guy who pumps
iron at the gym), but I can assure you, his male ego THRIVES on
these simple compliments.
#3. Make him feel like he’s the BEST you’ve ever had in bed.
It’s extremely important that you make him feel like a stud during
your lovemaking. There is no more powerful way to plug directly
into his “caveman brain”—and set off fireworks—than to praise him
during (and after) sex, and make him feel like he satisfies you like no
You don’t need to be kinky and adventurous in bed during the early
stages of a relationship. This can come later, if it’s something you
both want to explore.
What IS important is that you make him feel that he rocks your
world sexually. That you find him sexually irresistible. That he is
your Alpha Male in the bedroom.
He isn’t expecting that you haven’t ever had sex (and perhaps good
sex) with another man. What he’s hoping is that he gives you an
experience that is beyond what you’ve ever felt with another man.
I spoke with a male friend of mine named Jason recently, while
doing research for this course. He made an interesting point about
men and porn:
“When guys watch porn, they generally aren’t focusing on how
‘hot’ the actress is. They’re focusing on how she is responding to
the sex. Guys get massively turned on by seeing a woman in the
throes of sexual pleasure. In their fantasies, guys aren’t just
imagining being in bed with that woman…they’re imagining
themselves giving that woman that level of pleasure.”
Several other male friends of mine confirmed Jason’s theory on why
guys watch porn (and even become addicted to it).
Keep this in mind: the greatest turn-on for a man is not seeing a
beautiful naked woman laid out in front of him. It’s knowing that he
pleases her sexually. And ideally, not just pleasing her—but giving
her an out-of-this-world orgasmic experience like she has NEVER
had with another man.
This truly is the “ultimate rush” for a man, and it releases a surge of
pleasure chemicals in his brain that are more powerful (and even
more addictive) than most drugs.
Bottom line: Want to get him addicted to you? Make him feel like
your personal Sex God.
When you make a man feel this way, you will have control over his
“Erotic Obsession Switch.” He will be the one woman he is sexually
obsessed with, and you’ll be able to turn him on—and have his
complete attention—at a moment’s notice.
Click Here And I’ll Show You How To Be His LIFETIME Obsession!.
#4. Initiate sex sometimes. This is not a sex manual, so we’re not
going to get into the down-and-dirty specifics here, but it’s a huge
turn-on for a man when you “make the first move.” It is a sign to him
that you find him sexually irresistible, and it is the fantasy of every
man to be sexually irresistible to women.
Besides ripping his clothes off and crawling on top of him in bed,
you can “initiate” in smaller ways. Stroke his thigh and let your
fingers wander “below the belt” the next time you’re together in the
darkness of a movie theatre.
The next time you’re out together, surprise him with a deep,
passionate kiss. Whisper something naughty in his ear about how
you can’t wait to be alone with him tonight.
#5. Be a giver, not just a taker. I’ll begin this point by stating my
feelings on the age-old “who should pay” question (“should the guy
always pick up the check for the dates, or should the woman offer
to chip in?”)
My answer is, the man should pay. On a first date, the woman
shouldn’t even need to offer to split the bill. If he invited you out,
it’s his duty to pay, and any man worth dating (or marrying) is going
to gladly do so.
On the second date, offer to pitch in. And be genuine with your
offer. (Don’t just say “Do you need some money?” When the check
arrives, you should actually reach into your purse and say “Let me
help with that.”)
He will probably insist on paying (as he should), but he will
appreciate the fact that you genuinely offered to contribute. This is
something men will never tell you, but it’s the truth.
Male friends of mine have privately complained to me that their
girlfriends (or women they are only casually dating) are too liberal
when it comes to spending their money.
Take Bradley, 38, for example: “I consider myself to be a pretty
generous guy, and I would never dream of having a woman split
the bill with me when I take her out. That being said, I appreciate
it when a woman respects the fact that I’m paying, and doesn’t
put me in an uncomfortable position.”
“Don’t order the most expensive item on the menu. If we’re
having drinks at a bar, don’t order $18 shots of the priciest
tequila. Actually, if we’re at a bar, don’t order a whole bunch of
drinks—period. Not only do I want to avoid racking up a $150 bar
tab, I also don’t want to deal with babysitting you when you’re
“And if I’ve taken you out for meals and drinks for our first few
dates, I would appreciate you suggesting something simpler and
lower-cost for our next date. Suggest that we meet up for coffee
at your favorite café. Or go for a hike on a Sunday afternoon.
Better yet, invite me over and cook me a meal. I know I’m not the
only guy that starts to resent it a little when we feel like every
time we meet up, I’m obligated to spend a bunch of money.”
Being a “giver” can take many forms. It doesn’t need to involve
spending any money at all.
If you visit him at his place, and he’s like most unmarried guys and
doesn’t exactly maintain a tidy home, give him a hand. Wash the
dishes that are piled up in the sink. Grab a broom and give the floor
a quick sweeping.
If he’s been living on a typical “bachelor diet” of take-out food and
microwave dinners, pick up some groceries and cook him something
special. These small gestures show him that you care about his wellbeing and that you are someone who will improve the quality of his
life, not just diminish his bank account.
#6. Have your own life outside of the relationship. This is another
big one. I was absolutely guilty of breaking this rule in my
relationships when I was younger. And I still see my female friends
breaking this rule all the time.
Like my friend Marcy. She’s a highly educated, smart and successful
woman. But every time she starts dating a guy, the relationship
becomes her obsession.
She talks about her new boyfriend constantly. She wants (and
expects) to spend all of her free time with him, regardless of what
else he may have going on in his life.
You can probably guess where this is going. After a period of time—
sometimes a few weeks, sometimes after six months—the “love of her
life” begins to get unusually “busy” and begins making excuses about
why he can’t see her.
These guys never tell Marcy why they’ve lost interest, but it’s safe to
say they feel smothered. It’s hard for them to respect a woman who
seems to have no life outside of them, and it’s virtually impossible
for them to miss a woman who is constantly checking in on them
and wanting to see them.
I know how difficult it can be to exercise restraint, especially when
you’re in a new relationship and you’re crazy about the guy and
envision a future with him. But if you want him to respect you and
miss you when you’re not with him, you need to have a life outside
#7. Get along with his friends. This last point is huge. Men are just
as sensitive as women are when it comes to being judged by their
friends. It is very important to him that his friends perceive you as a
“cool chick” (to use guy-speak), rather than seeing you as a hostile
presence who is trying to separate them from him.
When you pressure him to spend less time with his friends, the
word will get around that he’s “whipped.” No man wants to be
teased by his buddies about being “whipped” by his controlling
woman. (They’ll often try to laugh along with their friends’ jokes, but
inside, they hate being looked upon as a “whipped” guy. It screams
On the other hand, every guy feels thrilled inside when his buddies
compliment him on how “cool” his girlfriend is, and happily include
her in group activities—whether it’s for a weekend camping trip, or a
night out at the bar.
So how do you become the “cool chick” who earns the respect and
appreciation of his friends? Simple: you express genuine interest in
them, just as you have been expressing genuine interest in your
You don’t glue yourself to your boyfriend’s side, clutching his hand
and staying silent while he carries on laughing and joking with his
You get to know them. Joke around with them. Find out if they’re in
relationships. How long have they been dating? How did they meet
their girlfriends? What do they do for a living? Encourage them to
tell you more.