Kevin Kurgansky, The Break Up Cure eBook .pdf
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The Break-Up Cureâ„¢ by Kevin Kurgansky
The Shortcut to Getting Over a Break Up
The Breakup Cure
The â€œShortcutâ€ to Getting Over a Break Up
About The Author:
Kevin is the most sought-after relationship coach in
the world for people who are going through a break up.
He is most famously known as â€œThe Breakup Doctorâ€
Kevin specializes in helping people save their
relationship and bounce back after a broken relationship.
Kevin is a Certified Coach with The Life Coach Institute
and he also has his own private practice as a relationship
and break up coach.
Kevin graduated from DePaul University and completed
his Couples Counseling and Therapy Training with
The Gottman Relationship Institute, which is
based on over 40 years of research on what
makes marriages succeed or fail.
All credentials aside, most of Kevinâ€™s teachings come from his personal experience.
Eight years ago, he went through a devastating break up that brought him to the
lowest point of his entire life. After hitting rock bottom, he had a spiritual awakening
that propelled him on the path of self-discovery.
Using the breakup as a catalyst for his transformation, Kevin embarked on a journey
of personal growth, determined to bounce back from the break up as a better person.
He emerged from the experience a changed man and went on to help millions of people
through the painful process of getting over a break up.
Since then, heâ€™s written several books and created dozens of best-selling programs on
how to survive a break up. Today, he lives in Chicago Illinois with his incredibly
supportive girlfriend, helping people with their most pressing relationship issues.
If youâ€™d like to know more about how to work with Kevin in private, you can find his
contact information at the bottom of each page.
Before you read any further, I want you to realize that youâ€™re not alone.
I know that, after a break up, it can feel like no one â€œgetsâ€ you.
Like no one really understands what youâ€™re going through.
However, I want you to know that Iâ€™ve been in your shoes.
(And so have billions of other people)
Yes, I said billions.
Let that soak in for a moment...
There are over 6.8 billion people in the world right now.
Over half of them have probably experienced the pain of losing someone they love.
That means thereâ€™s over 3 billion people that have felt what youâ€™re feeling (and also
gotten through it)
The reason Iâ€™m taking the time to illustrate this in such detail is because I want
you to know that what youâ€™re experiencing right now is actually very common.
In fact, there are thousands (if not millions) of people all around the world that
are going through the exact same thing right now.
I know because Iâ€™ve dedicated my life to helping them.
For the past 8 years, Iâ€™ve talked to people fresh out of a break up on a daily basis.
(Really exciting, I know)
And during that time, Iâ€™ve helped thousands of people recover from some really
The reason I share this is to offer you hope.
I know it might seem like things will never get better.
I know it might feel like itâ€™s too much to deal with.
However, itâ€™s absolutely essential that you remember this one thing:
â€œNothing lasts foreverâ€¦ not even your troubles.â€
Take a trip down memory lane with meâ€¦
I want you to think back to a time in your life when something really unexpected
happened and you felt like it was the end of the world.
I want you to relive that experience for a moment and think back to how you felt
Now, I want you to rate that feeling on a scale of 1 â€“ 10
(1 being not bad at all and 10 being the worst you can imagine)
How do you feel about that situation right now?
What would you rate that feeling on a scale of 1 -10?
I can guarantee that the way you feel about it now is radically different than how you felt
the moment it happened, probably by at least 3-5 points (if not more).
See, when something really unexpected happens, we have a tendency to over-exaggerate
it and make it out to be much worse than it really is.
Isnâ€™t it true that there are times we look back on something that happened and find it
funny that we got so worked up over that?
Perhaps you felt a bit of that now.
How is it that something that once felt like it was the
end of the world is hardly even a problem anymore?
The thing that changed was your perspective.
Once you saw what happened in a different light, it changed the way you felt about it.
The same principle applies here.
The way youâ€™re looking at your situation is a big part of whatâ€™s causing you to suffer.
Thatâ€™s because youâ€™re caught up in an â€œemotional stormâ€ and itâ€™s distorting your
So what Iâ€™m really here to do, aside from just sharing some helpful tips and advice,
is to help you EXPAND YOUR PERSPECTIVE.
Iâ€™m here to help you see your situation differently.
Once you begin to see it differently, it will change how you feel about it.
But even more importantly, it will change the way you go about solving your problem.
Thereâ€™s a brilliant quote by Albert Einstein that says:
â€œLifeâ€™s most significant problems cannot
be solved at the same level of thinking
you had when you created them.â€
So my real goal in sharing this information with you is to help you reach
a new â€œlevelâ€ of thinking.
Once that happens, youâ€™ll able to deal with your problem more effectively.
Iâ€™m going to stretch your thinking by sharing some hard-earned lessons
Iâ€™ve learned from my own experience, as well as the lessons I learned from
spending close to a decade helping people with these exact same issues.
Please do your best to read this book with an open mind.
Itâ€™s essential to getting the most from it.
How to Get The Most From This Book
This book is not simply meant to be read â€“ itâ€™s meant to be used
In order to help you do this, Iâ€™ve incorporated a good blend of theory and practice.
In each chapter, I dive into some powerful ideas that I believe are important for you to
Then, afterwards, I share some practical action steps that you can take immediately
after you read it.
So treat this book like a â€œworkbookâ€
Read each chapter and then spend some time doing the exercises at the end.
If you take the time to apply all the things you learn, I promise that you will
get everything you hoped for (and more).
However, if all you do is skim over the pages and play a game of mental validation,
I can tell you right away that this book isnâ€™t going to do anything for you.
I want to take a second to clarify what I mean by â€œmental validationâ€ â€“ because I believe
that we ALL do this to some degree (myself included).
Anytime weâ€™re reading a book, weâ€™re basically filtering the information weâ€™re reading
through our pre-existing knowledgebase.
Most of us tend it through 1 of 3 different lenses:
1) â€œthis is good, this makes sense, I agree with thisâ€
2) â€œthis is nothing new, I already know thisâ€
3) â€œthis is wrong, I donâ€™t agree with thisâ€
While the first way might seem superior to the other two, all 3 are utterly worthless.
Because they donâ€™t actually lead to you DOING anything!
Itâ€™s all just a mental game that youâ€™re playing with yourself in your head.
And yet, I know the reason you got this program wasnâ€™t to get some new ideas
or theories to contemplate.
The reason you got this program was to get some relief.
Well, in order to get the relief you were hoping for, you need to reflect on each chapter
and think about how you can apply it to your life.
Iâ€™ve made it easy for you to do this by providing you with several techniques that you can
begin using right away.
This will help you apply it to your life.
Remember: simply reading the book from start to finish will NOT magically heal you.
Although I share a lot of very powerful techniques that will help you heal your broken
heart, they wonâ€™t do you any good if you just read about them and donâ€™t use them.
I can give you the resource but youâ€™re
the one thatâ€™s responsible for using it
So please honor the commitment you made when you got this program and promise me
that you will actually USE IT.
Now hereâ€™s MY promise to YOUâ€¦.
If you actually use the techniques I share with you, I promise that you will feel an
instant sense of relief the very first time you do it (especially with The Emotional
Freedom Technique and a couple others).
Now, donâ€™t get me wrong, these techniques are not a â€œquick fix solution.â€
They do not hold the power to heal you permanently.
However, they do help.
So take all the information I share and apply it to your life.
I promise that if you do, you will drastically speed up your recovery process.
Youâ€™ll also walk away with a greater sense of clarity on your relationship (and hopefully
on your life as a whole).
I hope this book will help you as much as itâ€™s helped me and thousands of people.
Please do me a favor and send me an email after youâ€™re done reading it to let me know
what you think
I would love to hear about your experience and the impact itâ€™s had on your life.
How to Deal with Rejection
In this section, Iâ€™m going to talk to you about the #1 most important thing
you need to learn after a breakup: how to deal with rejection.
Why is this so important for you to learn how to deal with rejection?
Because the way you deal with rejection will determine:
1) how likely you are to get them back
2) how difficult itâ€™ll be for you to deal with the pain
if you guys break up for good
3) whether youâ€™ll have a chance of being friends in the future
4) how they will remember you for the rest of your life
(No pressure, right?)
So with this in mind, itâ€™s really important to learn how to deal with rejection the
RIGHT way, as opposed to the way that comes most naturally to us after a break up.
By the way: the way most people deal with it is actually very counterproductive.
In fact, it only makes the situation a lot worse.
(Youâ€™ll learn more about this on the next pageâ€¦)
What Happens When We Get Rejected?
Rejection is a very powerful thing.
When someone rejects us, especially when itâ€™s the person
we love, a whole bunch of stuff comes up for us.
We feel hurt, rejected and even downright devastated.
It often comes as a total shock to us.
It can even feel like our whole world is falling apart.
Thatâ€™s because the â€œrejectionâ€ actually sets off a series of physiological responses in your
body that youâ€™re probably not even aware of.
Only psychological geeks like me who actually enjoy â€œgeeking outâ€ on this kind of stuff
actually know what goes on â€œbehind the scenesâ€
So, what happens when you get rejected by someone?
When someone rejects you, it actually triggers a part of your brain called the amygdala.
(See picture below for more details)
Our â€œFight or Flightâ€ Mechanismâ€¦
The amygdale is the same part of our brain that controls your â€œfight/flightâ€ response.
(Iâ€™m sure youâ€™ve probably heard of that beforeâ€¦)
This part of our brain gets activated anytime we feel some kind of threat.
When this part is activated, we go into a â€œhyper-intenseâ€ state of awareness
in order to be better equipped to eliminate the threat.
This is actually a survival mechanism that has evolved over thousands of years.
If youâ€™ve studied evolutionary psychology, you know why this exists. And even if
you havenâ€™t, Iâ€™m sure you can deduce why something like this may come in handy.
So what does this part of our brain actually do after a break up?
To put it simply, it automatically goes into a â€œfightâ€ response in order to
be better equipped to eliminate the threat.
The threat, in this case, is the possibility of losing the person you love forever.
In fact, just the THOUGHT of that is usually enough to make you panic.
Thatâ€™s why you start doing a bunch of crazy stuff like calling and texting them over
and over again.
Begging, pleading, crying, and even promising to change things about yourself.
In other words: youâ€™re willing to do just about anything you can to get them back.
Youâ€™re basically just trying to preserve your relationship at all costs.
Because youâ€™re desperately trying to avoid LOSS.
Youâ€™re also trying to avoid CHANGE.
As humans, we donâ€™t really like change.
In fact, we HATE it.
Why Humans Hate Change
Any kind of change, especially one as drastic as losing the person closest to us,
involves a great deal of UNCERTAINTY.
Losing the person you love often feels like having your world turned upside down.
And when the magnitude of change is that drastic, itâ€™s not very easy to deal with
(no matter how good or bad you relationship actually was).
So this nifty little part of our brain actually developed an extraordinarily powerful
survival mechanism in order to eliminate the chance of that ever happening.
The â€œsurvival mechanismâ€ Iâ€™m referring to is the need to RECONCILE
This often shows up in the form of begging, crying, pleading and other desperate
attempts to get our ex back.
Hereâ€™s what it looks like in our brain:
1) Getting our ex back = not having your whole world turn upside down
2) Not having your world turned upside down = not being forced to undergo change
3) Not being forced to undergo change = comfortable treading down the path of least
Our brain naturally gravitates towards the path of least resistance.
The path of least resistance always involves keeping things the same.
As long as things are the same, everything is safe, comfortable and familiar (even if itâ€™s
not necessarily the best thing for us in the long the run)
However, the â€œlong runâ€ is not what your brain is most concerned with in that moment.
The only thing itâ€™s concerned with is keeping things the same.
We can come up with a bunch of incredibly sincere justifications for why itâ€™s not really
We can argue that the reason we feel such a strong urge to save the relationship is
because we love them so much.
And while thatâ€™s certainly true, there is also something MUCH deeper going on behind
Thatâ€™s why the urge you feel to get them back is so INTENSE.
Itâ€™s NOT just love thatâ€™s propelling you to save your relationship.
Itâ€™s biology too.
After a break up, there is a biological response thatâ€™s triggered in your mind, which then
sends a physiological response to your body, which then causes the hyper-intense state
of panic and desperation.
Youâ€™re literally in an â€œaltered stateâ€ after a break up.
You have a powerful set of chemicals coursing throughout your body, causing you to
think, feel and do things that you otherwise wouldnâ€™t normally do.
Now, you might be wondering: why am I sharing this with you?
Is it because I like overwhelming you with a bunch of complicated psychological jargon?
Not at all.
The reason Iâ€™m sharing this with you is because I want you to understand that the urge
you feel to get your ex back is not just an urge you feel because you love them.
Sure, thatâ€™s obviously a part of it.
But thereâ€™s also a bunch of chemicals coursing throughout your body right now that are
making you want to get them back at all costs (even when getting them back might
actually not be in your best interest)
Why is this important for you to understand?
Because you need to understand whatâ€™s actually happening in order to know how to
handle yourself properly.
In other words: you need to be able to recognize when that part of you is activated in
order to be able to get back in control of yourself.
Because when your amygdale is activated, you go into OVER-DRIVE
In fact, you pretty much go completely unconscious.
Youâ€™re basically just a puppet with puppet strings.
The puppet strings, in this case, are your emotions.
Theyâ€™re pulling you in a hundred different directions all at once and thatâ€™s why it feels
like youâ€™re going crazy.
I want you to take a moment to stop and realize that this is all very NORMAL.
I know it feels like youâ€™re going crazy but youâ€™re actually not.
The reason it feels so intense is because this is actually a hard-wired response thatâ€™s
been programmed into your mind through thousands and thousands of years of
I wonâ€™t go into all the specific details of how it evolved here but just know that this type
of reaction actually served a very specific purpose many, many years ago.
Back when we all lived in small tribal communities.
The thing you have to realize though is that:
Although this reaction was originally created to serve you, it no longer does.
In fact, it actually hurts you and does a lot more harm than good.
Iâ€™ll explain why on the next pageâ€¦
Why Being a Slave to Your Emotions Is Killing You
When you start freaking out and doing everything you can to get them back,
it makes you seem DESPERATE and NEEDY
(â€¦which actually ends up pushing your ex away even further!)
Thatâ€™s the weird and â€œcounter-intuitiveâ€ thing that most of us donâ€™t really realize.
We think that if we just prove to them how much we love them and explain how we canâ€™t
imagine our life without them, weâ€™ll somehow be able to convince them to take us back.
Yet, that almost NEVER works.
In fact, it usually just pushes them away even more.
Just think back to a time when you walked into a store and a salesperson approached
you right away, asking you what you needed.
Then, before you could even respond, they immediately start showing you a bunch of
stuff they got in stock and going on and on about how cool it is and how you need it.
What was your initial reaction to their behavior?
Probably something along the lines of â€œahhh, get away from me!â€
Whatâ€™s funny is that this reaction has nothing to do with what the salesperson said.
What they said could have been the greatest thing in the world and the product itself
could have been exactly what you needed.
However, your natural instinct in that moment is to retreat and push away.
Because you can sense that the other person is trying to â€œgetâ€ something
You can tell that they have some sort of agenda and it feels â€œicky â€
Well, the same thing applies hereâ€¦. so stop doing it!
Unfortunately, this is a lot easier said than done because youâ€™re under a very powerful
spell of emotions right now.
Like I said earlier, all the stuff thatâ€™s going on behind the scenes is VERY real and itâ€™s
literally coursing through your entire body right now.
In other words, there are physical things happening inside of you that are causing you to
feel this way (which is why itâ€™s so damn hard to get back in control of yourself)
By the way, I want to give you one physical symptom of all these chemicals reactions just
so you know that Iâ€™m not making all this stuff up.
You know that feeling you get in your gut?
That tight knot you get when you realize that youâ€™re about to lose them forever?
That sick lonely feeling down in the pit of your stomach?
Yeah, that one.
Thatâ€™s one example of it.
Just that one thing along is enough to compel you to do ANYTHING you can to get your
Sometimes, itâ€™s not necessarily even to get them back; itâ€™s just to make that HORRIBLE
feeling go away.
Can you relate?
I know I can.
A lot of people go to really great lengths to avoid that feeling.
Some people end up buying programs on how to get your ex back and they try to use a
bunch of sneaky, manipulative tactics just to get them back.
Psychological loopholes, triggers, jealousy, etc.
Now, Iâ€™m not going to get too much into all that stuff here because I actually know a
couple of the people who publish courses like that and I donâ€™t want to slander them.
Theyâ€™re good people, I just donâ€™t necessarily agree with their methods.
Hereâ€™s my personal take on it:
If you need to use any sneaky psychological tactics to get them
to want to be with youâ€¦ itâ€™s probably NOT meant to be.
Thereâ€™s nothing wrong with seeking out information to improve your relationship.
In fact, I highly recommend it.
After all, it takes a lot of work to maintain a successful relationship.
It also requires you have to have a certain level of knowledge and skill.
However, nothing about it should feel sneaky or manipulative.
You really shouldnâ€™t have to do that just to get someone to love you.
If you have to do that, itâ€™s not really love.
But thatâ€™s my 2 cents on it.
Moving on nowâ€¦
Maintaining Your Dignity After a Break Up
The goal of this section is to help you deal with rejection the right way so that you can
maintain your sense of dignity (not just for yourself but also in your exâ€™s eyes as well)
I canâ€™t even begin to tell you how many people Iâ€™ve talked to that acted desperate after
the break up and did a whole bunch of things that they now regret.
Not only did it end up pushing their ex away even further, but it also tainted the way
they remembered them (which ruined any chance of getting back together in the future).
Now, Iâ€™ve helped many people recover from this and rebuild a friendship later.
However, a lot of people were never really able to be friends with them after (not that
you have to be friends with your ex or anything).
In fact, itâ€™s probably best NOT to be friends with your ex immediately after the break up.
Iâ€™ll explain why in a later section.
For now, I just want to help you deal with rejection more effectively so that you can
maintain your dignity.
Why Rejection Is So DAMN Devastatingâ€¦
The reason we take rejection so badly is because weâ€™re social animals.
Weâ€™ve evolved over the years in a social environment, where we had to get along and
cooperate with others in order to survive.
(We still have to do that now but not nearly as much as before)
Before, when we lived in a tribal society of only about 40 people, the approval of others
was crucial to our survival.
If people didnâ€™t approve of us, we were ostracized from the pack and left to survive on
our own in the wilderness.
And back then, the chances of survival under those conditions were next to nothing.
In fact, it was practically impossible and almost always led to death.
(Remember, we werenâ€™t nearly as self-sufficient and independent as we are today. We
worked in â€œpacksâ€ and we desperately needed other people in the pack to do their role
in order for us to survive).
So when we were separated from the pack, we were basically as good as dead.
So we learned that in order to best ensure our chances of survival,
we had to minimize rejection and disapproval from our community.
In turn, we developed a â€œrejection-avoidantâ€ mechanism to prevent this from
(NOTE: Iâ€™m grossly oversimplifying a very complex process that evolved over thousands
of years. However, Iâ€™m not trying to give you a history lesson here. Iâ€™m just trying to give
you a quick overview of what youâ€™re feeling and why youâ€™re feeling that way).
Now, fast-forward thousands of years and youâ€™ll see this in action today.
Just think back to a social situation where you had to meet a lot of new people.
It could be out at a meeting, conference or networking event (or even out at a bar).
Letâ€™s say you saw someone that you really liked or found attractive.
Or perhaps you just saw someone interesting that you wanted to meet or start a
Did you actually go up and talk to them?
Donâ€™t worry, youâ€™re not alone.
Most people donâ€™t.
Because we donâ€™t want to make ourselves vulnerable.
Vulnerable to what, you ask?
To rejection and disapproval.
We donâ€™t want to put ourselves out there and get turned down.
We donâ€™t want to be embarrassed in front of others and end up feeling stupid.
Thatâ€™s why most of us never even bother to approach in the first place.
Because we FEAR rejection.
And while many of us may think that getting rejected by someone we havenâ€™t met before
is badâ€¦ the rejection we feel from someone we love is actually 10 TIMES WORSE.
Why Getting Rejected By The Person You Love
Hurts 10x More Than Any Other Rejection
Believe it or notâ€¦ we actually feel MUCH more hurt when weâ€™re rejected by someone
weâ€™re in a relationship with.
Because the first type of rejection is a very superficial kind of rejection.
When someone you just met rejects you, theyâ€™re usually rejecting you based on
something superficial; whether it was something you said or did, or perhaps it was
simply based on your appearance. Either way, itâ€™s superficial.
However, when you get rejected by the person you love, by the person that
youâ€™ve shared so much of yourself with, it STRIKES you right to your CORE.
Thatâ€™s why you feel that KNOT in the pit of your stomach.
This person has known you intimately for months, years, and sometimes even
This person probably knows you better than anyone else.
They know the REAL you.
And after getting to know the real you, theyâ€™ve decided that they donâ€™t want to be with
Thatâ€™s what really hurts us deep in our soul.
Itâ€™s hard NOT to take something like that personally.
Yet, taking it personally is actually part of the problem.
Itâ€™s precisely what causes the rejection to hurt so much.
So what I want to help you do is to separate the personal reaction from the rejection.
That way, you donâ€™t let it affect who you are (or your self-esteem).
Not Giving Rejection The Power to Hurt You
Thereâ€™s a great quote by Gandhi that says:
â€œNobody can hurt me without my permissionâ€
So while rejection hurts, it doesnâ€™t HAVE to hurt.
You can actually stop it from hurting.
But first, you need to understand WHY it hurts.
After that, you can transcend it.
Much like what I was saying earlier about the breakup triggering our fight/flight
mechanism, the pain of rejection also triggers a specific part of our brain as well.
In fact, studies have shown that when we get rejected by someone we love,
it actually triggers the same part of our brain that feels PHYSICAL PAIN.
Dr. Ethan Kross, a professor in psychology and his research team at the
University of Michigan actually conducted a study where they separated
people into 2 groups; one was a group people that just went through a
break up and the other group was just a regular group of people.
They hooked them up to a machine that monitored their brain activity
and hereâ€™s what they did:
They took the group of people that had recently gone through a break up and they
showed them a picture of their ex.
After that, they monitored the response in their brain.
Then, they took the second group - the group of regular people â€“ and they spilled a cup
of hot coffee on their arm.
What they discovered is that the same part of the brain is activated
in the group of people that saw a picture of their ex as the group
who got burned with hot coffee.
In other words, they found that the brain reacts to emotional rejection exactly
the same way that it responds to physical pain.
The results of this study offers new insight into the complexities of social rejection
and how the experience can be both emotionally and physically debilitating.
Itâ€™s clear that the psychological pain that results from a relationship break up affects our
In fact, research has shown that grieving actually increases the risk of heart attacks.
This is yet another indicator that reinforces all the stuff I was saying earlier.
To put it simply, the pain youâ€™re feeling right now is very real and it hurts.
But that doesnâ€™t mean that it has to KEEP hurting you.
Although itâ€™s perfectly normal to have this kind of reaction, you want to be
able to take control of it so that it doesnâ€™t keep hurting you.
You have to separate your sense of self from the rejection in
order to preserve your sanity.
So, hereâ€™s something thatâ€™ll help you do that:
Donâ€™t see the rejection as something that your ex is doing to you.
Itâ€™s not like they woke up one day and thought:
â€œHey, I want to do this really mean and nasty thing to him todayâ€¦.â€
â€œI want to hurt her really bad and cause her pain. What can I do?â€
It wasnâ€™t like thatâ€¦
Your ex still loves you (even though they may not be acting like it right now)
Iâ€™ll talk more about this in the next chapter.
Iâ€™ll also explain why your ex is acting cold and distant right now.
In the meantime, just realize that they do still love you and care about you.
They wouldnâ€™t have been with you if they didnâ€™t love or care about you to some degree.
Remember That It Wasnâ€™t Easy
For Them To Leave You Either
If they loved you or cared about you at all, then it wasnâ€™t easy for them to leave you
(although it may feel like it was based on their current behavior).
However, the truth is that itâ€™s never easy to leave the person you love (even when you
know itâ€™s the right thing to do).
However, people do eventually leave when the relationship gets too painful to bear.
Remember how I said that humans are creatures of habit and we generally do
everything in our power to avoid change?
Well, the same thing applies in your exâ€™s case too.
No matter how unhappy they were with you, losing you still sucks.
Theyâ€™re losing a friend, a lover, and a companion.
Not only is it painful to lose someone that close to you but it also requires a really HUGE
And remember what I said about change?
We donâ€™t like it and we donâ€™t tend to deal very well with it.
So with that in mind, I can guarantee you that this wasnâ€™t an easy decision for them.
Itâ€™s likely that theyâ€™ve been thinking about it and mulling it over for a really long time.
In fact, they probably knew that they wanted to break up with you a long time ago.
They just kept putting it off longer and longer.
Until something happenedâ€¦
Now, you might be wondering, â€œwhat happened?â€
To put it simply:
The pain of being with you got worse than the pain of losing you.
Iâ€™ll go into this in more depth in a later sectionâ€¦
For now, I just want you to realize that this is something your ex is doing for their own
personal benefit (rather than as a negative thing to cause you pain)
Therefore, you should do your best to NOT take it personally.
Itâ€™s not an attack, itâ€™s an act of self-preservation.
Theyâ€™re not doing this in order to hurt you.
So whatever you do, donâ€™t start thinking that thereâ€™s something wrong with you or that
youâ€™re not good enough as you are.
Sure, youâ€™re far from perfect and Iâ€™m sure there are a lot of things that you could have
PS: I actually created an entire course that covers the 10 most common mistakes that
most people make in relationships (and how to learn from it so that you donâ€™t make the
same mistakes in the future)
Why Your Ex Left (And What You Did To Push Them Away)
If you havenâ€™t gotten it yet, you can get it here:
=> Why Your Ex Left
In this course, youâ€™ll discover the biggest reasons most couples break up (as well as
what it REALLY takes to make a relationship work)
For now though, I just want you to realize that youâ€™re not flawed in any way.
Just because your ex rejected you does NOT mean that you are any less lovable
You are still whole and completeâ€¦ exactly as you are.
If you find yourself questioning that or worrying that youâ€™ll
never find someone else, itâ€™s usually a sign of low self-esteem.
Hereâ€™s a fundamental truth that I discovered through many years of private practice:
â€œPeople with high self-esteem tend to cope with
breakups and rejections MUCH more effectively.
Because people with high self-esteem know who they are and what they have to offer.
If one person doesnâ€™t appreciate them, they know that someone else WILL.
I want you to feel the same way.
Youâ€™re not really losing a part of yourself (though I know it can often feel that way).
Losing Yourself in Relationships
See, when weâ€™re in love, we have a tendency to attach our sense of self to our partner.
We inter-mingle our lives so much that we often become really attached to the other
person, which makes it really easy for us to lose our sense of self in the relationship.
When this happens, losing your partner becomes a lot more than just losing the person
It also means losing a part of yourself.
When you attach yourself to your partner and lose yourself in the relationship, losing
them feels like youâ€™re losing everything.
It can affect you to the point where you feel like you canâ€™t go on without them.
Well, that would explain why youâ€™re reacting in a fit of panic and desperately clinging to
the relationship in any way you can.
This is why itâ€™s so important to stop and reflect on the situation before you just
desperately try to get them back at all costs.
You need to stop and ask yourself:
Why Do I Really Want Them Back?.
If you want them back just to eliminate the suffering â€“ in order to get rid of that feeling
of loneliness and to avoid having your sense of â€œselfâ€ dismantled â€“ then youâ€™re not really
wanting them back for the RIGHT reasons (or perhaps, not for very pure reasons).
See, everyone wants to get their ex back.
The question is:
Do you want to get them back because you value the relationship or because
youâ€™re afraid of losing them and living your life without them?
Thereâ€™s a big difference.
A lot of people that try to get back with their ex do it just to hold onto the relationship
(even though, deep down, they know that the breakup is probably in their best interest).
Thatâ€™s what I did and thatâ€™s what so many of us do.
Because losing the person you love is freakinâ€™ hard!
(Even when the time has truly come)
So what I want to do today is challenge you to think a little deeper about whether this
relationship was really in your best interest.
Were you really happy in this relationship or are you just really comfortable
and familiar with this person and afraid of starting over?
Are you trying to get them back just to feel desirable again or do you really want to have
them back in their life and rebuild an entirely new relationship with them?
So ask yourself: why do I really want them back in the first place?
Because I Love Them!!!
This is the most common reason people have for getting back together.
They say things like â€œBut I love them so much! I canâ€™t imagine my life without them!â€
Okay, well, everyone loves the person theyâ€™re withâ€¦
If you didnâ€™t love them, you probably wouldnâ€™t be with them (at least in most cases).
However, if youâ€™re hurting over it this bad, then you obviously did love them and you did
care about them very deeply.
And while love is great and specialâ€¦
â€œLove is not enough to actually make a relationship WORK.â€
Sure, itâ€™s enough to spark all those great romantic feelings that you had in the beginning
but it takes A LOT more than love to actually make a relationship work.
With that said, I want to encourage you to explore the REAL reasons for why you want
Donâ€™t just react on autopilot and try everything you can to get them back out of
desperation. Itâ€™s not going to work.
Plus, it may not even be in your best interest to get them back.
I know thatâ€™s not what you want to hear and you may not be quite ready to even hear
that yet but thatâ€™s often the case.
Weâ€™ll talk about it more in some of the other videos - but for now - I just want you to
realize that you are not any less lovable without this person.
Remember, you are not really losing any part of yourself (or at least not any part of your
The real you cannot be taken from you.
Love Cannot Be Taken From You
Another thing that a lot of people really stress out about is the idea of losing love (or
losing the person they love).
Hereâ€™s what I have to say about that (pardon me while I get metaphysical)
This person you love did NOT actually GIVE YOU LOVE
Sure, you may have felt loved in your relationship and they may have shown their love to
you in a lot of different ways. Ways that made you feel loved and appreciated.
However, the feelings of love that you were feeling in your relationship were YOUR
Those feelings were arising from within you (and you still have them inside your body
So this person didnâ€™t actually GIVE you LOVEâ€¦ they simply inspired you to
give yourself the permission to feel YOUR OWN LOVE in their presence.
And hereâ€™s the awesome partâ€¦
You can give yourself permission to feel that love again with other people that happen
to strike your interest.
I know you donâ€™t want to think about that right now but I just want you to know that
love is a very abundant resource.
Instead of feeling doom and gloom about never being able to find love again, I want you
to know that you CAN love again (and that you WILL love again)
Hell, you can love even if you never find anyone thatâ€™ll ever love you again.
By simply loving yourself!
The Most Important Love
In The World is Self-Love
You cannot truly love someone who does not love themselves.
In fact, trying to love someone who doesnâ€™t love themselves is like trying to
hug broken glass. Youâ€™ll only end up hurting yourself more in the process.
If you donâ€™t love yourself, all the love you get from others is going straight into a bucket
with a bunch of empty holes at the bottom.
All that love is eventually just going to end up leaking out because no amount of love is
ever enough to fill a bucket for someone who doesnâ€™t love themselves.
You are the only one that can ever fill it.
However, when your bucket is already FULL and someone pours love in, you overflow
with even more love and appreciation.
And THATâ€™S the place that you really want to be.
If you donâ€™t love yourself, every act of love you give is infused with impurity
It becomes a sneaky way of giving just to get something back.
In other words, you do it in order to get something that you think you need in order to
fill something within you (which it never really will).
You are the only one that can ever fill that.
You can never fill that part of you with the love of another (at least not if you want to
enjoy a life of sanity and drama-free relationships)
The only thing that you can ever really fill that with is your own self-love.
If this material resonates with you, I encourage you to embark on a journey of self-love.
Do whatever it takes to build yourself up and give yourself the approval that you so
desperately crave from others.
If you donâ€™t give yourself that approval, youâ€™ll constantly be a slave to other peopleâ€™s
opinion of you.
Liberate yourself from the quest for other peopleâ€™s approval
and give yourself the approval youâ€™ve been yearning for.
Itâ€™s the only approval that will ever truly satisfy you.
By the way, I talk a lot more about how to actually do this in my other program:
The Fresh Start: How to Bounce Back from a Breakup, Regain Your Joy
In Life and Become a Stronger & Better You
If you want more details on how to sign up for this program,
just send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org
Anyways, I just wanted to share that as another key distinction for you to keep
in mind on your journey to recovery.
Remember that what you felt in the relationship was your own love and you can feel
that love again in the future.
Hopefully, thatâ€™ll help you deal with that devastating feeling you get when it feels like
youâ€™re losing everything and youâ€™ll never be able to find someone that you feel the
same way about again.
So what Iâ€™d like to do now is actually take all the ideas that I just shared with you one
step further and give you a specific exercise that you can apply in your own life.
That way you have something that you can actually DO to feel better.
I know I shared a lot of great concepts here and I know that a lot of them are probably
making a lot of sense to you. In fact, you may have even had some really profound
insights or â€œahaâ€ moments.
However, I want to do more than just that for you.
I want to give you something that you can actually do to cope with the loss and become
more at peace with yourself; something that you can do to rebuild your self-love so.
To help you do that, I want to share a really powerful technique that I talked about in
the video you watched right before you purchased this course.
Itâ€™s something that I recommend to each and every single one of my private coaching
clients and itâ€™s something that I guide them through in our private sessions.
The process Iâ€™m referring to is a powerful technique called EFT, which stands for:
The Emotional Freedom Technique
This is an extremely powerful technique that can help you deal with various emotions,
such as traumas, fears and anxieties.
Note: this technique is not meant to be a replacement for traditional forms of therapy.
You are more than welcome to use it to assist you in your recovery process. In fact, I
would highly encourage it. It has helped me and many of my clients tremendously. In
fact, itâ€™s probably one of the most powerful tools Iâ€™ve ever discovered.
However, I cannot guarantee anything and I cannot be held accountable for anything
that happens as a result of using this technique.
Okay, now that we got that part out of the way, letâ€™s go ahead and dive into the actual
So there are two components to EFT; one is physical and one is verbal.
Iâ€™m going to go over the verbal component of this technique here and then Iâ€™m going to
link you to another video that shows you the physical part of it afterwards. Deal?
(PS: the video Iâ€™m going to share with you is a really great way to learn the technique
because it gives you a close-up look at how to do it. Itâ€™s a step by step demonstration that
shows you exactly what to do every step of the way. Iâ€™ll post the video link for you to
watch at the end of this section. First, I need to explain the verbal part of this technique)
So hereâ€™s what the verbal part of this technique is all aboutâ€¦
Itâ€™s about SELF-ACCEPTANCE
More specifically, accepting yourself in spite of whatever you may be feeling right now.
This is what will ultimately help you cope with it (both the rejection and any other thing
that you may apply this technique to in the future)
Itâ€™s really interesting because the philosophy behind this technique actually runs parallel
to the idea that I expressed a little bit earlier in that quote I shared with you by Gandhi:
â€œNobody can hurt me without my permissionâ€
Well, what this technique does is it actually gives you a way to accept yourself.
Once you do, a lot of the hurt will dissolve.
Thatâ€™s the most mind-boggling thing about itâ€¦
No one is FORCING you to feel hurt right now.
You simply feel that way because you got rejected.
And because of that, youâ€™re getting all down on yourself.
However, no one can make you feel down about yourself without your permission.
In other words, youâ€™re the one thatâ€™s letting yourself get down all about it.
Kind of a bittersweet truth, right?
Donâ€™t worry, this technique will help you stop beating yourself up about it.
See, itâ€™s actually NORMAL to get down about it.
What this technique does, essentially, is it helps you accept yourself so that you donâ€™t
continue to STAY down about it.
It helps you embrace, both yourself and
your reaction, to whatever is happening.
And once you do, youâ€™ll finally feel at peace with yourself.
So hereâ€™s how you do the verbal component of the techniqueâ€¦
You do it by simply saying ONE simple little statement out loud.
â€œEven though I feel _______, I deeply and completely accept myselfâ€
The blank should be filled in with whatever you are feeling right now.
This allows you to embrace what youâ€™re feeling so that you can actually work with it,
rather than getting consumed by it.
Feel free to use this technique spontaneously and voice whatever is coming up for you as
youâ€™re feeling it.
Really tune into whatâ€™s coming up for you and give yourself the opportunity to not only
be with that, but to voice it out loud and make it okay for you to be with that.
End of Free Chapters
Get the Complete Version Now!
The Fat-Burning Kitchen:
Your 24-Hour Diet Transformation to Make
Your Body a Fat-Burning Machine
By Mike Geary, Certified Personal Trainer, Certified Nutrition Specialist
& Catherine Ebeling â€“ RN, BSN
DISCLAIMER: The information provided by this Web Site or this company is not a substitute for a face-to-face consultation
with your physician, and should not be construed as individual medical advice. If a condition persists, please contact your
physician. The testimonials on this Web Site are individual cases and do not guarantee that you will get the same results.
This site is provided for personal and informational purposes only. This site is not to be construed as any attempt to either
prescribe or practice medicine. Neither is the site to be understood as putting forth any cure for any type of acute or chronic
health problem. You should always consult with a competent, fully licensed medical professional when making any decision
regarding your health. The owners of this site will use reasonable efforts to include up-to-date and accurate information on
this Internet site, but make no representations, warranties, or assurances as to the accuracy, currency, or completeness of
the information provided. The owners of this site shall not be liable for any damages or injury resulting from your access to, or
inability to access, this Internet site, or from your reliance upon any information provided on this site.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Start the cleanout!
IMPORTANT INTRO â€“ PLEASE READ FIRST
Foods made with refined flour and corn products
Food and drinks containing high fructose corn syrup
Margarines, vegetable oils, trans fats, Crisco
Artificial Sweetenersâ€”Splenda, NutraSweet, Saccharin
Commercial Pasteurized Dairy
Commercially raised meats; farm-raised fish
Soy Productsâ€”Soymilk, tofu, TVP
Processed Foods, Weight-loss meals, Diet Snacks, and Diet Desserts
How to Stock Your Fat-Burning Kitchen
High quality protein-grass fed beef or bison, wild caught fish,
free-range chicken, whole (free-range) eggs
Raw dairy milk and cheese
Grass fed dairy butter, coconut oil, lard
Nuts-Almonds, pecans, walnuts, pistachios, brazil nuts, cashews,
Organic dark green leafy vegetables
Healthy Sweeteners: Real Maple Syrup, Raw honey, Stevia
Healthy REAL Food Energy Bars
Green tea, oolong, black, mate, herb teas
Items to Keep in Your Kitchen
The Transformation Has Begun!
SPECIAL BONUS SECTION:
The Advanced Nutritional Fat-Burning Blueprint: The 23-Day
Accelerated Fat Loss Plan
Important Intro â€“ Please Read First!
Iâ€˜m going to start this book by telling you something that may surprise youâ€¦ especially for
a nutrition book â€“ You can officially STOP counting calories or obsessing over calories at
I know that sounds crazy, because itâ€˜s true that calories consumed vs. calories expended
over a specific time period is what ultimately controls whether you gain weight or lose
However, not only is counting calories horribly inaccurate (studies show that the majority of
people massively underestimate their caloric intake when asked to count calories), but Iâ€˜m
also going to show you why counting calories is pointless once you understand and
implement one major nutrition concept.
This principle is so often overlooked by dieticians, nutritionists, doctors, and other health
â€•expertsâ€– who base their recommendations on such a ridiculous â€•food pyramidâ€–, itâ€˜s no
wonder that so many people are confused about nutrition.
In fact, this one major nutrition principle Iâ€˜m about to tell you is actually THE most
important concept youâ€˜ll ever need to know regarding how to eat in order to obtain great
health and a lean body.
And this principle is -- the Nutrient Density of your food intake!
Thatâ€˜s rightâ€¦ nutrient density makes calorie counting obsolete. Weâ€˜re talking about a
micronutrient density here and not macronutrient density. If virtually all of the food you eat
every single day is comprised of super-high micro nutrient density, then your body
automatically obtains all of the nutrition it needs and therefore automatically regulates your
appetite and calorie intake without you having to struggle and restrict yourself to control
how many calories you eat.
Now before you think that high nutrient density only means fruits and vegetables, think
again! Youâ€˜ll see throughout this book that high nutrient density can also include lots of
fatty foods that you may have falsely believed were â€•bad for youâ€–, such as whole eggs,
certain types of meats, nuts, nut butters, certain oils, butter, and so on.
Think about it for a second â€“ If you eat foods each day that are high in calories but low in
nutrients such as pasta, cakes, cookies, crackers, etc. (high caloric density, low nutrient
density), then your body will be craving additional food, despite the fact that you may have
already eaten more than your daily caloric maintenance balance for weight maintenance vs.
On the other hand, if all of the foods you eat on a daily basis are super-high in nutrient
density, regardless of the caloric content of those foods, your body is automatically
adjusting your appetite and eliminating cravings based on it already obtaining much of the
nutrition it needs for the day. This aspect essentially forces your body to â€•auto-adjustâ€– your
appetite and you naturally fall within the exact calorie range that your body needs without
having to over-analyze or count calories.
In fact, eating a super-high nutrient density diet is so powerful, that extreme distance
athletes that burn massive amounts of calories each day through excessive exercise may
actually need to focus on consuming a
portion of their diet as lower nutrient density
foods such as breads and pasta and other
calorically-dense but low-nutrient foods to
avoid massive weight loss. The reason for
this is that if an extreme distance athlete
focuses too much of their diet on super-high
nutrient density foods, their appetite may be diminished before they actually have eaten
enough calories to sustain their massive calorie needs, and excessive weight loss may occur.
Now since most of us are not extreme distance athletes, that just shows you the power of
eating a super-high nutrient dense diet and how this can automatically control your appetite,
eliminate cravings, and put you on the road to a lean healthy body for life.
Weâ€˜re going to show you in this book all of the low-nutrient foods that you need to avoid
and get rid of, as well as some of the foods you may have been deceived by food companies
into falsely believing are â€•healthyâ€–. In addition, weâ€˜re also going to show you all of the
countless amazingly delicious options you have for healthy foods that are nutrient dense and
can help to bring you closer to your goals. And I guarantee that weâ€˜re going to show you
plenty of foods that you thought were unhealthy that can actually help you get leaner and
healthier, including some tasty foods youâ€˜ve been lead to believe are off limits!
Weâ€˜re going to dig into the truth about cholesterol, saturated fats, omega-3â€˜s and omega-6â€˜s,
fiber, protein, hormones, plant foods vs. animal foods, and tons of info that may shock you
about whatâ€˜s actually in the food you buy at grocery stores or restaurants.
Make sure you read this book from front to back and donâ€˜t skip around, because you donâ€˜t
want to miss out on any of the details.
The Processing of Foods
Another major aspect of the foods that you eat and how they affect your health and body fat
levels is the processing of foods. We can make the generalized statement that it is the
processing of foods that truly controls how our bodiesâ€˜ react to the food we eat.
With all of the macronutrient debate in recent years over what type of â€•dietâ€– is best for us
(low-carb, low-fat, no-carb, high protein, vegetarian, etc, etc), youâ€˜ve got to realize that they
are ALL WRONG! Thatâ€˜s rightâ€¦ If you study historical dietary patterns of ancestral
humans in almost any culture around the world, the one aspect that was similar that
accounted for the health benefits was that the foods were unprocessed natural foods.
Whether a diet was high in protein, high in fat, high in carbs, low in carbs, etc, etc doesnâ€˜t
seem to matter that much, as long as the diet was made up of natural unprocessed foods
eaten as close as possible to how they are found in nature.
We gain weight and get fat when more calories are eaten on a regular basis than our bodies
need to meet daily energy demands. When excess calories get stored as fat, it is the body's
way of an evolutionary response from the hunter-gatherer days when food was less plentiful
and people had to put out a great effort just to survive.
Way back when, people who were able to store food in the form of fat were more likely to
survive and reproduce during times of scarcity. Because of this advantage, we still have that
built in urge to eat a lot of food when it is available, and some more than others. And
believe me, there is a lot of food--or junk that is available to us everywhere we turn these
In spite of being able to store body fat efficiently, ancestral humans were rarely obese as
they had to work hard just to eat and in the process burned up whatever calories they
The huge agricultural and technological changes of the past several thousand years have
made food extremely easy to obtain and evolution has not been able to keep pace in the
short time span. We no longer have to spend our days hunting and searching out food, there
is an abundance everywhere we look, and most of it is not what we historically ate in nature
(humans never until recent decades ate 70% of our calories derived from grains and soy
products as is currently the case with the modern western diet).
While the reasons we gain weight are numerous, there are some primary reasons for the
excess fat that we carry around. If we remove the food that causes fat storage, and erase a
big part of the temptation to eat overly processed fattening foods, we should be on our way
to making over our kitchens, and transforming our bodies into lean, energetic machines.
Our bodies, since the days of cavemen, were made to function best on whole, unprocessed
foods, good quality proteins, healthy fats, and fruits and vegetables. If we can get back to a
diet as close as possible to our ancestors, we will have the lean, strong bodies that we strive
Not only will we see stronger, leaner bodies, but many of the modern diseases will begin to
fade away: irritability, depression, ADD, arthritis, high blood sugar/type 2 diabetes, irritable
bowel syndrome, and on and on. All are connected to inflammation and the Standard
American Diet (S.A.D.) of processed junk.
We have been duped into believing that instant, fast, pre-made foods will somehow make us
thin and healthy. If you check out your grocery store frozen food isle, you will often see
overweight people purchasing what they think are â€•diet dinnersâ€–. Nothing could be further
from the truth! Processed diet dinners are chock full of preservatives, high fructose corn
syrup, processed flours, synthetic fillers, soy protein, and the worst kind of fats. These foods
will cause inflammation, stimulate the insulin response--i.e., store fat, and do nothing for
you nutritionally. Whatâ€˜s more, you will GAIN weight from eating this kind of junk!
The media has fooled us into thinking we need lots and lots of carbohydrates if we follow
the food pyramid. In response America has loaded up on the processed carbs and packed on
the pounds. Even so-called â€•health foodsâ€– are often not what our bodies recognize as good
nutrition or fuel. And forget fat-free (loaded with sugar and starchy refined carbs instead)
and sugar-free! This stuff is poison and fat storing fuel.
Forget fast and convenient diet foods! They take years off your
life by stoking the fires of inflammation which leads to obesity,
heart disease, cancer and diabetes to name just a few things, not
to mention screwing up your bodyâ€˜s metabolism and making it
increasingly difficult to lose fat from your frame. If you want
healthy and clean â€•diet foodâ€– pick up a raw apple, some
unprocessed nuts, some (nitrate and corn syrup free) grass-fed
beef jerky, and nibble away to your heartâ€˜s content. We need to
get back to REAL food and eating like our lean, strong
Start the Kitchen Cleanout!
Hereâ€˜s a typical list of â€•foodâ€– that the average person trying to lose weight may have on
hand. Check out your cabinets and see if any of this fat-fuel is lurking in your kitchen:
ï‚¨ Slim-fast shakes-far from healthy, they're actually loaded with high fructose corn syrup,
hydrogenated oils, and a bunch of other chemicals that will add fat to your body, not aid
in weight loss.
ï‚¨ Fat Free Rice Cakes-they really are nothing but pure refined starch with zero fiber, which
breaks down immediately into sugar in your body, spiking insulin and promoting fat
ï‚¨ Protein/Energy bars-isolated soy protein (virtually unusable by your body), hydrogenated
oils, high fructose corn syrup and artificial preservatives. Basically a candy bar in a
deceiving package. Toss quickly into the nearest trash can!
ï‚¨ Reduced Sugar Desserts loaded with artificial sweeteners that trick your brain, and
trigger hunger, sugar alcohols, preservatives, and a chemical ingredient list about 15 lines
long. Nothing at all good in there. Itâ€˜s a mad scientistâ€˜s experiment gone awry!
ï‚¨ Diet soda-loaded with artificial sweeteners that such as NutraSweet or Splenda that do
more harm than good, raise the insulin levels in your body and cause you to be hungry
and store fat. Diet? I hardly think so!
ï‚¨ Chips, crackers, and cookies-loaded with hydrogenated (read, â€•heart attack in a boxâ€–)
fats, inflammatory processed omega-6 oils, and processed flours. High carb foods that
add weight gain almost instantly!
ï‚¨ Refined vegetable oils such as canola oil, corn oil, soybean oil, sunflower oil, safflower
oil, or (God forbid!) Crisco, for cooking and salad dressings-these are composed highly
of oxidized omega 6 fatty acids, which lead to inflammation, heart disease, weight gain
and fat around the midsection.
ï‚¨ Sugary cereals-Advertised as healthy and high fiber; these cereals are loaded with sugar,
and refined fat-factory grains such as corn, soybean flour and wheat. They will make you
hungrier, spike your blood sugar and increase your insulin response, thus putting your
body into a fat-storing mode.
Food Made With Refined Flourâ€”Pasta, cookies, crackers, bread, etc.
Ancestral humans didn't eat grains; at least nowhere close to the form we eat today.
According to well renowned nutrition author Michael Pollan, and his amazing book called
In Defense of Food, humankind has historically consumed approximately 80,000 different
species of edible plants, animals, and fungi, and approximately 3,000 of those have been
widespread foods of the human diet.
Now get ready for a shocking and appalling statistic...
Currently, the average adult eating a typical modern western diet in countries such as the
US, Canada, Australia, etc consumes approximately 67% of their total caloric intake from
only 3 foods -- CORN, SOY, AND WHEAT (and their derivatives such as corn syrup, corn
oil, soybean oil, wheat flour, etc).
What would be considered a reasonably healthy amount of corn, soy, and wheat in the
human diet? Based on 10's of thousands of years of human history, and what the natural
diet of our ancestors was (indicating what our digestive systems are still programmed to
process), this would probably be in the range of about 1% to 5% MAX of our total calories
from corn, soy, and wheat.
Itâ€˜s no wonder then that grains are responsible for weight gain, high blood sugar,
inflammation, and degenerative disease. In the 1970â€˜s, the average American ate 85 pounds
of flour, 84 pounds of sweeteners, 8 pounds of fried potatoes, and 39 pounds of cooking oil.
Even then, not so good. Fast forward to the ninetiesâ€¦
By 1997, each of us was consuming 122 pounds of flour, 105 pounds of sugar or other
sweeteners, 20 pounds of fried potatoes, and 50
pounds of vegetable cooking oils. That's almost a
pound of knowingly bad-for-you foods per day! And
that doesnâ€˜t count a whole lot of other junk foodâ€¦but
clearly, the reason many are overweight or obese
today. And today, flours are more refined than ever,
missing fiber and essential nutrients. The other
problem with excess grains in our diet â€“ antinutrients
and gluten, both of which and be gut irritants, causing
chronic inflammation, digestive issues, and auto-immune diseases in bad cases.
Processed white flour (alias "enriched wheat flour" or "wheat flour") is missing the two
most nutritious and fiber-rich parts of the seed: the outside bran layer and the germ
Eating a high starch grain-based diet will make you feel fatigued, malnourished,
constipated, jumpy, irritable, depressed, and vulnerable to chronic illness. And,
refined/bleached wheat and corn flour fuels high blood sugar levels. High blood sugar leads
to insulin release, fat storage, and increased hunger and cravings.
The more grain-based foods a person eats, the more insulin must be produced to manage the
fast digesting carbohydrates. This leads to insulin resistance, type 2 diabetes, and weight
gain. The refined carbohydrates turn to glucose very quickly once in our systems,
stimulating the body to produce insulin. A vicious cycle occurs: insulin promotes the storage
of fat, making way for rapid weight gain and elevated triglyceride levels, inflammation and
atherosclerosis, type 2 diabetes, and heart disease.
"Enriched flour," is very misleading, because only four vitamins and minerals are typically
added back, compared to the 15 nutrients and essential parts of the grain that are removed,
along with most of the fiber and other beneficial substances such as antioxidants that are
Eating wheat can cause one to feel lethargic, foggy, groggy, puffy and bloated, and irritable.
Many would never connect these symptoms with eating grains; but weight gain, emotional,
physical, and mental symptoms are fairly frequent with gluten sensitivity. Gluten is the
protein portion of wheat, rye and barley. It is so widespread in standard processed food
today; it is very hard to escape. Unfortunately gluten sensitivity is on the rise (notice the
â€•gluten freeâ€– sections at the grocery store?) and it can cause a host of problems. Best to
avoid processed flours altogether!
The American food supply is also heavily based on corn. Bumper crops of corn and
government subsidies help to keep corn prices low, which in turn helps to keep many of the
cheap junk foods we buy at the store low-priced.
Contrary to popular belief, corn is a grain, not a vegetable, and is really not appropriate as a
dietary staple for several reasonsâ€” the antinutrients, the inflammatory aspect of excess
omega-6 fats, and the blood sugar disrupting nature of corn products.
When civilizations such as the Mayans and Native Americans changed their diet to a cornbased one, rates of anemia, arthritis, rickets, and osteoporosis skyrocketed.
Our bodies were not made to exist on such a high quantity of grain-based foods. This
evidence shows up in the archeological records of our ancestors. When archaeologists
looked at skeletons of native Americans in burial mounds in the Midwest who ate corn as
their primary staple, there was a 50% increase in malnutrition, four times as much incidence
of iron-deficiency, and three times as much infectious disease, compared to the more huntergather ancestors who primarily ate meats and fruits and veggies as opposed to grains.
Keep in mind that we are not just talking about corn-on-the-cob (sweet corn) hereâ€¦ we are
also talking about corn cereals, corn chips, and other modern corn-based foods that are
promoted by food companies as â€•healthyâ€–. There are several reasons researchers give for the
nutritional problems and the weight gain caused by a corn-dominated diet:
ï‚· Corn contains lots of fast-digesting starches and sugar, which raises insulin levels, causes
you to be hungrier and causes your body to store calories as fat. Donâ€˜t be mistaken, just
because corn does not taste obviously sweet, doesnâ€˜t mean it isnâ€˜t full of sugars. Once
eaten, your body quickly turns corn products into sugar. Even the starches in corn
products can be broken down quickly by your body spiking your blood sugar levels, and
causing cravings for more carbohydrate-based foods.
ï‚· Corn is also a poor source of protein, usually deficient in 3 of the 8 essential amino acids:
lysine, isoleucine, and tryptophan. The essential amino acids are so-named because they
must be obtained from the diet, since the body is unable to manufacture them.
ï‚· Corn contains a high amount of phytate (which is one antinutrient), a chemical that binds
to iron and inhibits its absorption by the body. So, consequently, a diet high in phytate
can make people more likely to have iron-deficiency anemia and fatigue. Phytate is also
a nutrient blocker and inhibits other vitamins and minerals from being utilized.
ï‚· Corn is a poor source of certain minerals such as calcium and some vitamins such as
niacin (B3). Deficiencies of niacin can result in a condition known as Pellagra, which is
common in civilizations that eat a lot of corn. It can cause a variety of symptoms such as
dermatitis, diarrhea, and depression. Since we are now a nation of corn-eaters, it
wouldnâ€˜t be surprising that this is more common here than we realize.
ï‚· Corn oils are also used in most processed foods (along with soybean oils). Both corn oil
and soybean oil are excessively high in inflammatory omega-6 fats and low in antiinflammatory omega-3 fats. This throws the delicate balance of omega-6 to omega-3 in
your body out of whack and can cause degenerative diseases and weight gain over time.
In addition, corn oil and soybean oil are highly refined with high heat and solvents,
which oxidizes and damages the fragile polyunsaturated oils, and makes them even more
inflammatory when you ingest them in processed foods.
It's not just people who eat too much corn based foods. A large amount of the nation's corn
crop ends up feeding commercially raised cattle, which are cheaply fattened on corn and
other grains before slaughter. Beef from corn-fattened cattle also has much higher ratios of
inflammatory omega-6 fatty acids than healthier grass fed beef which contains higher ratios
of anti-inflammatory omega-3 fatty acids. Most meat in supermarkets comes from grain-fed
animals and not healthy grass fed animals.
Because corn and other grains are an unnatural diet and difficult to digest, cattle raised on
corn develop higher stomach acidity, which is a breeding ground for the dangerous E. coli
O157:H7, the deadly strain of the bacteria.
While eliminating refined grains such as corn and wheat (yes, it seems they are in
everything!) can seem a very daunting task, the reward is a return to wonderful health,
sparkling eyes, clear skin, clear thinking, weight loss as the body is once again able to
extract appropriate nutrients from food, and a resolution of nutritional deficiencies from the
lack of absorption. Once you commit to eating a diet of whole and natural foods, you will
begin to eliminate a large amount of these grains.
Although many grocery stores, health foods stores, and online companies are now offering a
wide selection of wheat-free/gluten-free foods including breads, bagels, cookies, cake
mixes, doughnuts, etc; it is best to avoid these as much as possible. While they are made
without wheat, they still contain other refined and process grains and wheat substitutes such
as tapioca flour and corn flour. Best thing to do is avoid grains--especially wheat and corn-fully. Substituting another processed grain may bring about a small improvement, but not
the drastic improvement necessary.
Try at least 2 weeks with no grain products at all. I guarantee you will see some drastic
improvements in your weight and general outlook! This is easier than you may thinkâ€¦ For
example, instead of having pasta with sauce and meat for dinner, instead have just grass-fed
meat, sauce, and veggies topped with parmesan cheese. Itâ€˜s delicious and no grains! Check
out some of the healthy grass-fed meats and grass-fed sausages from one of my favorite
grass-fed meat sites:
Another example would be breakfastâ€¦ instead of cereals, bagels, or muffins, try to base
most of your breakfasts on cage-free organic whole eggs with lots of veggies and perhaps
some bison sausage or other nitrate/nitrite-free turkey or chicken sausage. If you're very
active and need a little more carbs with your breakfast, instead of grains, a small piece of
fruit or some tea with a little bit of raw honey can be great additions to the egg/veggies
based breakfast.. This is a delicious and satisfying breakfast that will control your blood
sugar, balance your hormones, and eliminate the antinutrients found in most grains. Those
are just a couple examples, but I think you get the point of how easy this can be.
I know it may not be realistic for everybody to give up grains fully, so the most realistic
plan for many people is to only eat grain based foods (bread, pasta, cereals, etc) on their one
cheat day each week, and save 6 days per week to be grain-free. Your body with thank you!
REFINED FLOUR FOODS TO AVOID
ï‚¨ White bread, rolls, buns, muffins
ï‚¨ Enriched flour pasta
ï‚¨ Cakes, cake mix
ï‚¨ Cereal made with refined flour (even â€•whole grainsâ€– should only be an occasional treat)
ï‚¨ Pre-made, packaged gravies, sauces
ï‚¨ Pre-packaged macaroni and cheese
ï‚¨ Instant noodle cups, ramen noodles
ï‚¨ Pre-made dinners with pasta
ï‚¨ White flour for baking
ï‚¨ Corn chips; Doritos, Fritos, Sun Chips
ï‚¨ Corn tortillas
ï‚¨ Corn cerealsâ€”especially the refined, sweetened ones
ï‚¨ Anything with corn as one of the main ingredients
High Fructose Corn Syrupâ€”Soda, Fruit Drinks, Ketchup, Salad Dressings, etc.
One of the many other uses of corn is the low-cost sweetener, high-fructose corn syrup.
Production of high-fructose corn syrup has increased some 4,000 % since 1973, and the
syrup now rivals sugar as America's most common sweetener.
The average American now consumes a whopping 42 pounds of high-fructose corn syrup
each year, according to U. S. Department of Agriculture data. That's an extra 75,281 calories
per year per person! And if you look at that in terms of pounds (approx. 3500 calories = 1
pound), you are looking at gaining an extra 22 pounds a year. The bulk of that comes via
soda, energy drinks, and juice drinks.
Teenagers typically get 15 to 20 teaspoons per day of
added sugars from high-fructose corn syrupâ€”just
from drinking soft drinks! Another study shows that
soft drinks have replaced milk as a dietary staple and
have become the third-most-common breakfast food.
Starting the day with a sugar high leads to a crash in
about 2 hours and causes more hunger, and weight
gain. No wonder so many teens are overweight!
If the average American could cut just one soft drink
or sugared water drink a day they would
immediately cut out 10 pounds a year! Corn syrup is
the most common sweetener in those drinks.
In 2009, approximately 25 percent of the average Americanâ€˜s caloric intake comes from
sugarsâ€”mostly high fructose corn syrup! Thatâ€˜s 25% of the diet filled with not only empty,
but also harmful calories!
The next time youâ€˜re at the supermarket, pick up five totally different kinds of bottled drinks
â€” including juices and energy or sport waters â€” and read the label. You may be shocked to
see that the first or second ingredient will be almost always be high fructose corn syrup or
Now for a real education: look at the labels of other items in which you would never expect
to find any sweeteners, like ketchup, tomato sauce, soup, cereal, and crackers. HCFS is
everywhere; in one day it is entirely possible that 80% of the processed food you consume is
chockâ€“full of HFCS. Is it any wonder there is so much obesity in the US? Thatâ€˜s why itâ€˜s
best to simply avoid ALL processed foods and only buy 1-ingredient whole foods such as
eggs, nuts, seeds, meats, fruits, and veggies.
What is high fructose corn syrup? High Fructose corn syrup not a natural product like you
may have been led to believe, but chemically altered by enzymatic processes to yield a
different balance of sugars than that found in ordinary corn syrup (not that ordinary corn
syrup is healthy either!). That chemical alteration changes the extracted corn syrup from a
compound that is mainly glucose (a simple sugar) to around 42â€“55% fructose (though some
can range as high as 90% fructose), with the remainder being glucose and other sugars.
A study in 2004 reported in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition cites the increase in
consumption of HFCS to be 4000% between 1970 and 1990! This is way higher than any
other increase of any other food or food group. Too bad we havenâ€˜t increased our intake of
fruits and vegetables by that amountâ€”our country would be in far better healthâ€”and much
In studying this increase â€” and the nearly corresponding increase in obesity in the US â€”
these researchers took into account the differences in the way the body responds to different
sorts of sugars and their effects on the body.
Fructose is converted to fat in the body more easily than any other sugar. This may be one
of the most common reasons Americans continue to gain weight so fast. Besides the rise in
blood sugar and the resulting rise in insulin, fructose raises serum triglycerides (a major
factor in heart attacks) significantly. Fructose is not easily digested either.
There is another difference between fructose and table sugar metabolism. Glucose enters the
cells through the action of insulin; fructose enters the cells through a totally separate action,
which does not depend on insulin.
Regular sugar provides a feeling of satisfaction, which signals to the brain to stop eating.
Fructose does not provide a feeling of satiety, because it is not transported into the brain.
Once inside the cells, fructose forms triglycerides more efficiently than does glucose. This
means that fructose will convert to fatty compounds in the blood, which are then stored
easily in the body as fat.
It seems very obvious, but high fructose corn syrup is largely responsible for the big jump
obesity and other obesity-related health issues, namely heart disease, insulin resistance and
High fructose corn syrup almost always comes from genetically modified corn, which is full
of its own well-documented side effects and health concerns. Scientists have found that
animals fed genetically modified (GM) corn developed extensive health problems in the
blood, kidneys and liver. Humans eating genetically modified corn may also be at risk for
health issues, but that is still controversial and lacks long term testing.
We have all heard about the dangers of ingesting mercury. Mercury acts as a poison to your
brain and nervous system. It is especially dangerous for pregnant women and small children,
whose brains are still developing. Even in low doses, mercury can interfere with brain
development, memory and learning ability.
In adults, mercury poisoning can be a serious risk as well, and has been linked to